blowing bubbles

few things i jst realized about myself..

1. i dun like being home alone !!!
i kinda consider myself to be like Mole (The Wind in the Willows), prefering solitude than the crowd, some times i accidently dessert my phone too... but being at home when everyone's away's not fun... maybe i'm a family and housey person.

2. boredom's a sin to me...
ya, prank rates increase proportionately with bore levels... jst to unbore myself...otherwise i would just go sleep...

3. i am so not independent...
and i used to think i was... not till someone pointed out that i'm like a kid who needs to be taken care of (and entertained too hur)... well, i'm fine going to concerts or kl alone... ?? but i realized i depended alot on my family to help me make decisions (or make em' for me), buy me lunch or dinner...(should be the other way, but...hehe). Worst still, i call em' while they're working to ask for help... fancy why they entertain me...

4. i work by momentum
big resistence to get me started, but once i'm on the go tis hard to stop. Once i've stopped, it's hard to start too...

hmm...wonder whether some things need changing...

december

it's cold enough to snow

Where did summer go?
How'd I miss the change of seasons
All at once the wind blows rough
It's cold enough to snow

In the street below
People laugh, they got no reason
Don't they know its cold enough to snow?

Now the sun can't shine
If it wants to fine
But its cold enough to snow

~sang by Jennifer Warnes. abridge version
~Music by Alan menken & Stephen Schwartz

if

if...

if we don't ever take chances,
we won't reach the rainbows

if we don't ever search,
we'll never be able to find

If we don't attempt to get over our doubts and fears,
we'll never discover how wonderful it is to live without them

if we don't go beyond difficulty,
we won't grow any stronger.

if we don't keep our dreams alive,
we won't have our dreams any longer.

but...

if we can take a chance now and then,
seek and search, discover and dream,

grow and go through each day with the knowledge that
we can only take as much as we can give,

and we can only get as much out of life
as we allow ourselves to live...

then...

we can be truly happy.

we can realize a dream or two along the way,
and we can make a habit of reaching for rainbows

and coloring our lives with
... wonderful days

~Collin McCarty

...brought this book of poems fr pay less books warehouse sale on sat. thx to pek n cd. meanwhile, i realised someone has a fetish for forbidden fruits ;)
...been giving a bit unto books n clothes, well too bad it's winter attire in hk, else m'sia mite be bit poorer... but i came back with extra notes in my pocket. thx to my real generous aunt....maybe i sd post a chritmas wix list out, who knows santa mite read it. not been a good girl though... more like a lost girl :(
...meanwhile, really sorry to jin n sel for dropping yr comments along with my prev post. figure out i'd keep it safe in the closet instd. ;p

faltering steps?

my mind and heart are in forks...

just when i hand in my resignation letter, my heart feels like tieing itself down.

my kids and their pleading face... (din realize i've made a way into the lil kids heart (ok some), and imagine the seeds that i could have sown if i'd stay. it's like falling in love with someone you din plan to live with. workwise. *ahem*)
my assitant principal's word of affirmations...

were like a sudden effusion of "light". just discovered i had lived in a distorted version of the story...

but i've made a decision...

i can't turn back, else i be walking on faltering steps...

will find a project or further my studies locally first... that's what i've always wanted to do, just that i hanged my hope too high about going overseas to study... chances are that doorway may be closed, and i've to make some ground plans too.

the only set back is that the course of my interest is rarely offered here, so am praying for subsidairy titles of my interest or or something related...

knowing me, i get sucked into the things i like, while i almost score the lowest for the subjects i dislike... research (my line) here is mostly about cancer or disease (which is kinda depressing for me), maybe coz there's where the funding goes..

so yes, pray for a good professor, good title or that God will change my heart to see that the world's not so perfect, and that i'll have to make do with that "as good as it gets"...?

oh God, what's the real story ?

one chapter

so there, one chapter of my life closed today !

"at least u dun have to deal with the sense of gaucheness anymore !"- Rach
thanks for painting it in such a great perspective !

say hello to holidays !!!

gonna really miss the kids though :(

can't slug a girl

a

"why be equal when u can be superior ?" answer to feminism ;p **
a

a

a

* taken without permission fr snoops

**A. jo's adage !

pause

stop running girl, where u going ?

life sees me hastily flipping thru its' pages that i forgot to listen to my heart... drilling holes at work, or burying myself with my studies... until my heart started protesting for a halt.

So i paused, and...

i realized that my present job and i fit rather incongruently. Although in daylight i'm pretty much on the go...but as the noir creeps over, my heart feels overwhelmed : the inaptness and noise... probably my high scores for introvertness and low scores for class-control jst doesn't suit this scene...

ish... i feel like a wimp... :/

kinda take pride in finding the alternatives to solving things, and now my creative ways to control class jst don't seemed to work. maybe i'm trying too hard...

also, it din hit on me until someone pointed out that my current subject of study has been like a thin string which i hanged my hopes on... i'm clinching too tight to it...

So i'm taking a short interlude...

to listen to the voice of my heart... and ask myself "is this what i really want in life?"

i guess all the while i've been pre-occupied with studying, and more study to go... suddenly life throws itself at me and say choose where u want to go...

the azure horizon and answers to search for... at least i discover something here :)

milk & cornflakes

"A twinkle in the eye means joy in the heart, and good news makes you feel fit as a fiddle." Pro 15: 30 (The message);

...good news nourishes the bones (Amplified bible)

f

October

f

one good thing to look forward to is the raya holidays ! I've got one week break !! interminable rest...

fdfd

another great news was that our church collected ~3k to send our pastor n wife on a vacation !!! his 40th birthday gift !

fdfd

At cg, when we were throwing ideas for ps Mal's birthday gift. The cruise/trip idea burgeoned, more like a romantic whim than something we ratiocinate over --> the proposal emailed to other shepherds --> money being collected fr cgs --> an envelope passed around during Sun service (the contents soon outgrew the envelope [the size reflects ones faith/expectency hur]. Anne replaced it with a paper bag) --> opening the bag to find it filled with 10s and 50s...(really exciting here)--> discussions on how to convert the cash to trip ==> gift certificate to hard rock bali (4D/3N) for two ! (uncle swa really poured his heart out to design the cert !)

fdf

woo hoo...

f

The irony was that the church-wide collection was borne out of miscommunication. Our cg tot we'd to come out with a gift on behalf of the church ! supposed to be on behalf of our cg only. So there, we boxed out of the box ! There were some misunderstanding in the process due to that, but in the end, ppl were being really supportive lah...

f

The surprising thing was that the amount far-exceeded our expectations ! initially some of us were questioning the magnanimity of ourselves...bargaining the ideas of cruise or trip down to gift vouchers or even a meal for two (ya, some ppl. rub rub)...

d

The amazing thing was seeing the At'son's droped (jaws) and leaped when it was announced ! Heard the last trip they went as a couple was their honeymoon in S'pore... Uma said she was praying for a trip for some time...

f

i'm glad...

f

a little girl less than schooling age made my final great story for the day. She brought a RM10 note to church to put it into the offering bag. Told me it was her birthday gift (she called it b'day ang pow) given by her gong gong... (her dad wasn't even aware of it)... melt melt....

f
generosity, like cornflakes pouring down

f

swamp

October begin me with much blunders... dank n cold, dank n cold
Here's something to wire back my mind to the original tangle...

l

l

Swamps of Home

I come from the land of the foggy, foggy dew.

Ooh-ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh-ooh!

Where walking through the meadow in the morning is like walking through glue!

fdf

The swamps of home are brushed with green and gold at break of day.

The swamps of home are lovely to behold from far away.

fdfd

In my soul is the beauty of the bog, in my memory the magic of the mud.

I know that blood is thicker than water but the swamps of home are thicker than blood.

f

Where e'er I roam my heart grows dank and cold,

my face grows gray when shadows fall and I hear the call…

of the swamps of home.

f

I hear them calling me now, calling me back, calling me Winnifred, Winnifred, Winnifred, Winnifred, who do you think you are? Girl of the swamp

1

You've gone to far!

Maid of the marshland, give up the struggle! Listen to the voice of the swamp;

gluggle-uggle-uggle

f

Where e'er I roam.

The whips of fate may smart, but deep down in my heart

one thought will abide and will ne'er be forgotten, though I search far and wide there is no land as rotten…

d

As the swamps of home.

dd;kl

g

~ Winnifred's part fr "Once upon a Mattress" ; Music by Mary Rodgers and Lyrics by Marshall Barer

j

j

"Once upon a Mattress" is such a quirky adaptation fr "the Princess and the Pea"... I'm an instant convert ! ... i promised to write a spoof on "Rapunzel" for E'ca to illustrate... but... can't seemed to squeeze any sauce out yet...

wanna go back to the "Swamps of Home"

moments

"what happened between being me and becoming you?" -Rusty, Disney's the Kid.

Russ, an urbane nearing 40 image consultant who spent his adult life washing out the child he used to be was visited by an 8-year old kid (Rusty), who turned out to be himself... looking at the kid-him made every fibre of his nerve itched to straighten himself (the kid) out... turned out Rusty came to unlocked his long-lost memory- that has defined who he is (now). That's Disney's the Kid which i've caught 3 times...

i love my childhood, but lost track of what happened in between after std 3 till...eh, till...(oh shush ! am still skipping) I remembered changing skol, and the new environment was foreign, so i busied myself growing up (ever since), hoping there be a handsome prince waiting for me when i wake up...(figuratively)

Well, now i'm here... and life aren't getting anyhow rosier...(ok, save campus years, which i mostly remember bouncing)

Anyways, going back to primary skol was like a journey of re-discovering my long lost-moments... like foraging thru a locked up treasure chest - i remembered being punished by my teachers (haha, & now i get to revenge back), pulling naughty tricks & teases, fond afternoons in playground, quiet time scribbling away, me & my piano- my world, sad & lonely times, long lost friends & moments with the Father ...and i felt a sense of thankfulness for the life that God has given me...(breathe)

"if little me came to visit me and ask how life will be, i'd say "Don't worry about a thing, life's going to be great" Theadore? Russ's friend: "after all, how many of us get to be an astronaut or a prima ballerina?"

Today at work, i had one of those heart-grabbing moments -->hearing stories from a few std 3 boys (i was relieving the class and gave them a choice to do their work or that)... i could see how happy (giglish) they were sharing their little world to me (although i mostly pretended to faham)...that reminded me of how i used to stay up with my cousins telling each other made-believe stories; a std 4 girl gave me a hug and tried to carry me up (clean & jerk, 3 times!!!)...which reminded me that i'm still quite a kid inside (taking the teacher role seems to put life at a different perspective; wonder whether that is how parenting was (is) to our parents- an unrest job until their kids turn out fine; i can't seem to pull off that 'teacher' cap)

uh hur?

"...a tendency to expect the best possible outcome, or to dwell on the most hopeful aspect of a situation" - American Heritage Dictionary

gfg

that's optimism with a gist of hopefulness. Yet, how often i overlooked that...1 NW remarked that we need to learn how to be optimistic in order to encourage others.2

fdfd

Absent-mindedness's like a funny bone of mine - you would never know when it would strike ! Yet it causes both entertainment and vexation at the same time. So, I've decided to learn more about it by picking up a book called " The Seven Sins of Memory" by Daniel Schacter.

fdfd

Tatiana Cooley, winner of U.S. National Memory Champion who have no problems recalling a deck of rearranged cards, profess herself to be incredibly absent-minded. She depends on "Post-its" to help her remember daily tasks too !

1

what a consolable news to me. :)

1

Absent-mindedness is different from transience (memory lost over time). While Cooley utilizes elaborative encoding techniques to help her commit to memory that vast amounts of info given (thereby fighting against memory lost); absent minded-ness on the other hand is a result of divided attention that causes infomation to be not encoded properly (if at all) or infomation that was stored but overlooked at the moment when it was needed.

1

elaborative encoding -> memory stored ->remember;

divided attention (lapse in attention)-> memory not stored/not retrieved -> don't remember.

1

For example, when mummy asked me to ran some errands while i was deep in thoughts, her words probably went along with the winds and was not wired-in my brains, that's why i couldn't recall. The second example would be when you reminded youself to drop by the post office during lunch to collect a parcel; yet you were pretty absorbed over some other matters over the day and totally forget to retrieve that info.

1

Routine activities set our mind into an automatic cruise, which permits more space in our mind to focus on other more attention-consuming task. For instances, you can drive and talk on the phone at the same time, to find out later that you were travelling on your usual work route instd of the route you planned to take. The automatic cruise mode (analogous to divided attention) causes our minds to not elaborate on what's happening around us, therefore info was not encoded for rememberance.

1

Biological wise, the lower left frontal region of our brains are involved in subsequent remembering or forgetting. Divided attention prevents that part to be fully activated (for elaborative encoding). If this region was not/minimally involved in encoding new infomation, absent minded would ensue.

1

the remedy ?

1
The author suggested using cues which is visible at the needed time with sufficient info to help us remember...

1

more like using 'outside' help...wonder if there's any 'inside' job available... maybe i sd absorb to my surroundings abit more... the youngest in the family are claimed to be more absent-minded.3 So i guess i'm still part of the norm hur? but ya, gota learn to take things more 'heavily'.

1

1

1

1. Rom 15:13

2. Norman Wright. (1998). Brothers & Sisters forever. Regal : California. pg 167.

3. " " pg 44.

4. Daniel Schacter. (2002). The Seven Sins of Memory. Houghton Mifflin : Boston. pg 41-60.

5. i wan to be well (getting much better now. Only my nose)... not fun being trapped at home for so longgg...

bugged by flu

this monster strain mutated and came back even more tougher..
i'm shivering in the morning, sweating at night,
coughing without stopping & my nose flowing in tides

the flu bug has been territorizing our house... first it's my bro, then me, then bro, back to me again(ever stronger)... Maybe we sould fumigate the house.
took MC today... longing for some sun beams and greeness...

slimey's hiding somewhere

growing up

" God would not put you through a trial without a purpose behind it" - Joel Osteen.

I seldom enjoy associating difficult events of my life as trials... because if i were to compare my life now to the early century christians, exams & work stress against persecution & fleeing are a luxury... so i tend to skip verses about trials/hardship in the bible... as if it's written for them or missionaries in middle east than me...

But working life's getting bit difficult for me to handle now, and so i'd like to claim these verses for myself.. or at least, i can have a better 'light' to illuminate upon my situation...

1 Peter 4: 12; James 1: 2-4.

I learn to grow up in this new episode. Growing to pick myself up really quick before i'm being weigh down by circumstances/ppl. Growing to see the 'i-don't-know-hows' as little nuggets to tackle than BIG goliath.

Although teaching little kids makes me feel rather underutilize... (yes, i love kids in general, so long as i don't have to discipline em' ;p) .. but there are some lessons which i learned in 'school'.

1st lesson> i have to draw the borders, else the little children will treat u like one of em'. (i think some of em' can't tell the difference). This will be a good training for me, coz i realize there are times i was pressured into decisions that i don't quite like because i wasn't sure-footed enough. Now i know i have more control than i allow myself to see. Or rather, i have to be in control (of my life), else i be controlled.

2nd lesson> i can't expect kids to know-how. I am given a chance to tell/educate them (or to repeat/ reinvent) until they get it. (ok not all will learn, but they say if u get 20% to listen to you in class, that's a pretty sucessful rate). Pretty similiar to dealing with adults in an organization i guess... of cause i can't appeal to them as a sage, but it helps to communicate out what's expected of a task or invite ppl to participate rather than assume that ppl would know how since they're grownups ? Same thing with marriage too i guess. Ppl come fr diff background with different expectations, hopes, values... and we can't expect our spouse to know what wd make us tick or itch. ( maybe this applies more to girls hur? coz i think alot of us expect the guys to 'sek zou'... some of us come with huge set of expectations... sigh. pity the guys...sometimes they're jst well-meaning but bit dense la)

3rd lesson> there is a gap of understanding between me and the kids... i think i have to adjust my communication style to relate to em'. Cause sometimes they don't speak adult langguage. Esp the belum-matang-lagi-boys in my std 5s n 6s. "teacher, why do i need to study?" Me : "actually, u don't have to. your parents are so darn rich, they're quite happy to give you what you want. At this age, you're asking for PS II or branded jeans which can be readily appeased than asking for cars or money to study overseas (which you would ask later). Since life is so easy for u, there's no pressure for you to grow up and think about goals in life to work towards it..." (jst kiddin'. i din say that to them ;p) I told the boys they need to fill their minds up cause girls don't like guys that are just cute. {since they're in the age where they've ady started to disturb girls (in ways that annoy em'), tot i mite use that to trick em' into studying?} And guess what? the girls in my class actually nod ?!! woo hoo... we're just destined to be wise fr the start. ;p

don't really

overwhelmed

don't feel too good about my new job :(

doesn't seem to make sense that i have to spend 1/4 of the time controlling the class just to start or resume lessons...a lesson of patience for myself? but these kids are sleek. They freeze when fierce teachers pass by. I guess they can tell when not fierce ones are pretending...

don't understand why i have to spend extra time 'helping' bigger kids who doesn't wanna be help.

Sigh

bed

exhaust pipe

cave

need a cave

una corda

First day

today's my first teaching day...

Sent one 12 yr old boy to to the principle's office... and he came back apologizing to me. With tears. My heart melted instantly... :( kinda wonder whether i was too harsh on him.

I was drilled by friends/family/teachers about establishing my authority on start otherwise i'd loose my control... and so i tried. I think i scare myself off today... first time hearing myself YELLING at kids, or punishing em' to stand... i think i was more scared of them than being angry...(inside my heart i was really pitying em'... after all kids r still kids ain't it? but gota be strong lah)

teaching kids is not jst about teaching, but disciplining, n keeping the class in order as well (which seemed to take the bulk of it). In a way, it thought me alot also about the importance of respect n order... i really duno how to list the importance of these virtues down in words... (oh dear, hope i don't sound old?) but in the contrary, ppl jst can't be left to their whims of whenever & whatevers... what's gonna happen when they're out @ work ? an ungirdled stallion can't compete in the race ain't it?... i really hope one day when they grow up they'd come to understand and appreciate the borders which i've drawn out... n not remembering me as a mad young strict teacher who terrorised their childhood. Even if they don't remember me, i hope some good stuffs of that get soak into their system. Of which i feel accountable for...

Reminiscening on the school days where mom never make homework or studying a choice. She definately backed her words up with 'reinforcement'. We lived thru' weeks without t.v. too... n comparing it to some of my peers (back in school) who seemed to struggle between play & work*... i feel indebted to mom for not sparing the rod...

nyways, i shall surrender this day to the Maker, of fulfillments n errors...
n pray that i'll be wiser n stronger as the days grow...
n i really pray that my students wd get to see the kinder days... soon.

* then again, there r exceptions. I've met few major ponteng ex-school mates who seemed to catch up real quick, now, when it comes to work & money...

not unemployed

Monday.

First interview, 10am. 12pm, employed.

First job. (besides my prev 2 mths of industrial training)

It all happened so quick, i still haven't settle with the fact that i be working as a primary math teacher. I guess they needed one real quick... insisted i signed then n there? Guess that's my weakness hur? tend to give in under pressure. ish. but the pay is pretty good + workplace is near + i like the environment + the principle... so i guess that sort of compensate for the abruptness la.

The whole tone of the interview (as far as i recalled) was "when you teach here..." i can hardly remember what the principle or CEO asked me. I tingled "i'll consider... (smile) "since i applied for higher form in secondary instead. Next thing i know, i had a pen, a paper n ______ <- sign here

So there, here's miss ____ starting school on 1 aug. I'll be a form teacher for a class of 25 odd standard fives. Working fr 8-3.30 Mon-thus, and 1/2 day on fri. :)) Out of uni & back to school... woa. The last time i last mixed with kids was... ... primary 6? n... last 2 weeks ago helping out in sunday school. hmm...

meanwhile... looking for opportunities to go back uni again. elsewhere...

a picture

fading blossom

,,...

jst a few days ago she was clothe with a wreath of crowning bloom...

not the best shot here but i was drawn to her forlorn pose

it's my little cactus plant that's hidden

at the edge of the garden amidst other finer plants

one day it budded and the owner

began to notice it

so she was waited upon each day

at her quiet lil shade till her buds mature

into a deep maroon crest

high n lofty
at the tallest stalk

...

until she couldn't carry her head

that she had to be propped up

fame she stole (overnight)
and dozens of shots flew at her

every angle, every quarter of day

night drown

her crowning moment

here she is fading away
she covered her gaze with 2 robed arms (2 petals)
with 2 blooms left (e 2 remaining ones)

turned away fr u

retrieving herself

to her old spot

far from the stares of prickling rays

wic shone her to fame & mocked while she fade

to recollect herself

where she belongs

p.s- it's getting late n maybe sleep has faded me... duno what's her colour though...?

a green shooting star

a trail of green light travelled yonder... and vanished quickly with a yellow bright flash...

I was walking with mom at the playground after dinner... as i was staring into the night, i saw a shooting star ! I was thrilled ! First time ever !! felt my heart leaped like it first sighted hope. It's so rare to spot one in a city... not to mention tonight's sky was rather tarnish with city air and stars were sighted above in few faint dots.

But it's quite a strange colour for one. the trail was green, but the meteor? (last flame) was yellow. And it plunged pretty low into the atmosphere rather gracefully (or so i feel). I couldn't find any info on green shooting star in yahoo. Save one post, under the UFO session. (Not going there).. or could it be a lone fire-work that someone set up? or maybe the colour reflected was due to the polluted air ? ...?

awe-full-of-questions...

ahh...i was prepared to stay up all night naming all my wishes ;p

meanwhile...

"Attitude is your thought life turn inside out" ~JM

been forcasting storm these few days when i start to stare into the future... kinda wondering 'would i make it?", 'How?''... those thoughts were spinning n looming around me...trapped..

during worship last nite in CH, felt a voice knocking at my wrapped up head to "remember... remember..." then i realized i'd forgotten how faithful God has (have?) been to me in the past...felt guilty i chose worry as my companion instead... worrying is like being ingratitude towards an old friend who has always been there...

i'm glad he reminded me... and i slept peacefully knowing... knowing He be there... and it be well

meanwhile, i'm starting to teach a girl tuition... applying for tutoring positions in some private colleges. Pray they get back to me fast... and that i'll fill my holidays whipping up some skills.. i wouldn't mind walking ppl's dog or cat out for some extra tips too...anyone with pets n loads extra change to spare?

saw an old mansion written "St Paul's daughters" along jln gasing... am wondering, how's that possible ? ;p

contentment n faith?

we serve a God of El Shaddai (the God of more than enough), not El Cheapo (The God of barely enough) ~Joel Osteen

i've always wondered how these two elements interwind? In a way we're taught to be content with what we have1, but yet we're asked to stretch ourselves2 too...oddly, if we're happy with what we have, why would we want to strive for more?

the orang aslis as i've come to learn, are the most contented ppl. If they're hungry, they'll just go into the jungle (which happens to be where they live btw) to pluck the ferns (ok, maybe they do wild boar hunting too). With just the bare necessities to survive, yet i've heard one of the most grateful prayers being said there. Does being content means settling for mediocracy?

i'd like to glue these two poles thru' the parable of the talents3. Each of us are given different measure of gifts and talents. To be content means being please with what we have without comparing with others. Even though it may seemed unfair that some received a dearer portion. (we're told that the master distribute the talents/gifts acc. to each's ability4)

However, faith is the fuel to develope the talents. Fear, faith's barrier cripples progression, as seen from the man with one talent. Questions like "but what if i fail?", "other ppl can do better", "i can if only i were a bit more..." stems from fear & discontentment. While faith could have seen that one talent flying into horizon. Take John Osteen, Joel's osteen dad, pastor of Lakewood church (one of the fastest growing in the states). After he accepted Christ, all he dream of is preaching. Nobody ever believed that would be possible, coming fr a family of cotton-pickers, soaked in poverty due to the great depression, with non of his family attending church regularly. One of the first sermons which he preached on the entire story of samson, only at the end, did he realize he has been calling the hero "tarzan". Yet he never gave up.

The parable concludes that what we have now is not fixed5. Somehow as we progress, we receive. Like a bidirectional path. ungoverned. I believe God usually meet us according to our expectations6. The bible7 also states the importance of where we set our minds to.

some ppl are wary of ppl or churches spilling with success... is ordinarily & reasonably THE 'acceptable' reference mark of which anything yonder is questionable...? What about setting overflowingness as the plumb line?8

1. Heb 13:5
2. Mat 17:20, Isa 54:2
3. Mat 25: 14-30
4. 25:15
5. 25:29
6. Mat 8:13; 9:29; 15:28
7.Col 3:1,2
8. Roms 15:13

sun baked

sunrise at pasir panjang

had a week where both my wishes lap over my whines (if only i can strike through those words in my prev post. Rach, how u do that with yr fonts?)

got sun-baked in redang.
strolled through pasir panjang,
rubbing my feet on the fine sandy white...
lulled by reds thredding through the blue canvass (sunset).
taking pictures of sunrise...
of wide-ness n space... :a

in the deep blue
a creation of it's own :a
life's bubbling all around me
or search them in sandy bottom n crooks
of eels n shrimps
& ballooning fishes...

got back home n found that lightning had striked my house. Down were my modem, astro decoder, 2 phones, dad's motherboard...:( it hit next door too... (raining in s'bg can be dangerous)

hike on sat
saw colour quilted insects... ;p
glimpsed of sun flecks thru the woods :a

climbing up slopes and gliding through mud
of waterfalls and soggy feet
and endless greens...

:a --> ahhhh...

"too much of a good thing is wonderful" ~Nigella Lawson

Sigh

feeling bit frustrated staying at home...

wish i could plunge into the deep blue or scale into the clouds...
or learn something new...
but no $
and permission...

how?!

it's as if looking for a job or studying further is the only legitimate path for now...
maybe i have more choices than i allow myself to think
maybe i ought to make my wants louder
maybe i should start..

somewhere...

A Mummy Day

The longest period i've ever left home was 1 week. Even so, i get home-sick. (Must be something mom puts in the food, that after few days away fr it, i get withdrawal symptons n start craving for home;p)

Here's 5 things to thank mummy for (a love recollection) :

1. Rescuing me fr a monkey. Me, my bro and my neighbour kids have tails when we're young. Used to swing around my neighbour's tree. Once a friendly monkey decided to join us, guess he couldn't tell the differences. Sadly, his presence terrified us. The older boys managed to save themselves, while i was stuck on a branch. It sat face to face with me. I cried. Well, it dissappeared n there was mummy. :)Not to mentioned there were a few times where Mr Monkey 'borrowed' some of our stuffs, including my first ever mechanical pencil and my favourite tortoise eraser. I was really heart-broken then. Well, but mummy redeemed them back. Here's to mummy, the monkey-fighter ! (My house in penang was surrounded by patches of undeveloped forest, so we get unusual visitors)

2. Making wonderful food. Used to remember her making fish balls in the kitchen, or kneedling cookie doughs, which i'll get a piece to play with. Not to mention her pine-apple upsidedown cake, almond cookies... slurps. Missing em'. Why u stop baking now mom? What i'm really thankful now is having home-cook food every night. and b'coz of that i can't cook. ;p

3. Saving me from looney teachers. she's one herself (the noun) though. Being in chinese primary skol - u get a taste of Mrs Trunchbulls. [T] Once in primary 2, i forgot to pass up my math homework (not that i didn't do, just din remember to pass up k) and was very scared to face mrs T. I received warnings b4. So... ;p Anyways, clever mummy took my workbook and marked it for me instead. Guess mom's not good at copying stuffs hur? I got caught !Nopes, Mrs T din believe my story, but mom came to see her and saved the day. Hmm...no wonder i never learned my lesson. Next, i was in a 'torture' class in std 6 (or so they call it the 'golden' class) where all the children were given >10 homework to do each day. Well, i complained about the workload, mom came to see my form teacher...lalalala

4. My personal tutor. The only time i started thinking was during form 6. Before that, mummy answered all my ad-math and physics questions. (so that i can sleep in class ;p)

5. Always there for us. Yeah, nice having a mom who works half day so kids like me can bug her anytime of the day ! her being there for us all the time makes my world turn round.

Mummies are such unbelievable creatures yea ? Well, of course i got my spankings and curfews and... but all in the name of love hur. So Happy Mother's Day !!

Garden scenes

frontyard view

A succulent.

An ant's view.



Some pictures i took during my study 'break'. ;p Kinda carried me back to the nursery rhyme's age... where animals start to talk to each other when the humans are not around. This is my garden waking up at the first ray of the sunbeam! Wish i could scribble some poetry here...Well, in actual fact, my discoveries of my garden having a life of it's own happens late night, when i caught (a family of) big bad juicy snails chewing up my lovely leaves. Uuhh. they won't live. blame mummy.

I kinda realize that i rarely flip back the old chapters of life. Save my neverdying love for my childhood. Maybe growing up wasn't that fun. Or perhaps i'm living the best chapters now:) Either that or i've learned to lick the cream and let it settle at my tongue for a while. Can't taste the rest then (hmm...somehow my past relics seemed to pass by me of late. still not sure what to do. no point resolving things that have no answers? i'm such a passive problem solver compared to my bro though.) Well, like what J.Meyer's rhetoricaly asked the audience "is there anyone here who's married to a spouse of few faults?" (dun think i sight many hands up), i figure out that the colours of our life is decided by the way we relate to life and ppl. (not forgeting with our own self too). Well, i hope i can retain that view during my 'after-graduating-help-i'm-lost' time.

One thing i can be grateful for now, is the generous presents and treats fr my friends during my b'day season. i'm loved. :) It was pretty bland at first... but then i get the later rain of surprises. thanks :)

sprinkle of cinnamon

I've been...

...writing up my thesis and sitting for test in betweens. Managed to submit my draft last friday. Got mix remarks fr my tutor who marked it. But i supposed polishing up would make it shine.

...even so, throughout this time, i've been sprinkled by His blessings; bubbled by His love. Got back some of my test results, and i did unexpectedly... well ! i'm surprised. Can't even recall what went in and out of my brains...

...grateful for good health. Was dotted with flu and colds for the previous sems. Pleaded hard then, but... Somehow, i'm kept well this time even with less sleep and movement. Bit fatter though :)

... chilling in with bits of Norman Brown and yellowjackets.

Guess that's my world for now. My only wish is that i could be more emersed into a bigger cause... getting bit comfy with my nest... hope i get to soar into the blue...

nites. gt wake up wee early to edit my thesis. Next week's my finals... then i get to fly.......

wonderings

i wonder...

...why i'm so blurr sometimes. well, was caught in surprise once, when a young girl answered at the end of my house line. Found out it was my friend, and i dialled wrongly. Apart fr that, there's countless me sending the wrong sms or msn msg. how embarassing..

*need grace for myself*

... why there's so many angry ppl out there... either directly expressed or inwardly supressed. wonder whether life really hit hard on us... or maybe we duno how to healtily channel it.. or we just need to forgive more ? i guess one of the challenge in life is to forgive ourselves and perhaps God that life din turn out the way we expect, yet learning to make good of the blessing that comes by. one way to be happy ?

*smile*

... after watching i-robot. Come to think of it -We're just made up of codes ! DNAs. Of course, the final product is influenced by environment. Learned about C-value paradox. That is the more chromosome ( something that our DNAs are nicely packed into) an organism have, does not reflect the complexity of it. (i.e you can have a fern plant with 200+ haploid number, compared to human-23). So there, bit hard to explain macro-evolution fr this angle.

... used to be that most scientist thinks that the junk DNAs ( about 90-95%? of our DNA did not code for any structure) are the residues of evolution. Yet now, we're learning more and more about their importance, especially in regulating the coding and unlocking the code (transcription) process. And how mutation of just one single nucleotide, can bring such a disastrous consequences on the final outcome. But we're not left to wander, coz we've got many complicated mechanism (i.e about 6-7 DNA repaired mechanism that i learned of) just to save-guard the integrity of our DNAs !!!

*i am fearfully and wonderfully made* (psalms 139: 14)

...Maybe someday we can be resurrected again. Wonder whether i'll be the same me ?
or a different soul and spirit ? ( the future for this is not too far. Now that there's a latest technology that can sequence the entire fly genome (that is the entire genes) in like few hours ? who knows, someday our genome can be sequenced in few hours... or stored into a chip. (and if our grandchildren misses us, and won't mind having baby me, then...hehe).

... then again, can computer info evolved and re-program themselves ? ( like VIKI in i-robot). when do life come about ? one of the first few theories i learned in biology is that "life comes from life". Then again, is DNA something, alive? Well, can't imagine a software turning into life (i.e feeling robot). So, again how did the soul and spirit comes about fr DNAs?

*i guess amidst the simplicity that S & T bridges us... there are still things our mind can't understand. and i stand amazed at the wonders of the creator*

Yesterdays

" I've learned that being kind is more important than being right" ~Andy Rooney

few nites ago, a few wayward strands of my eye lashes at the edge of my right upper eye lid grew into my eyes. It scraped against my eyeballs...anyways, thank God this time i managed to flushed water and rubbed my eyelash off. Thx yik for that suggestion. The last time it happened on October last year, i'd to pay rm40 for "opti-cure" to get my eye-lashes plucked. My eyes was secreting lotsa yellowy eye-shit for protection ady... was horrified when the doctor took out the metal tray(like dentist-sort) full of surgical tools. Not to mention i had my right eye anaesthetize. eye-drop, not needle. *sheueeeuw*

which reminded me of the incongrous events that tint the pigments of my life... During my Cf camp last year in a jungle, an insect jabbed my left thigh...from nowhere and flew away. Poor k'cheng... deprieved her role as judge for the food preparation to drive me to the clinic at the nearest town, which happened to be like an hour plus away. Few months later, i got stung by a bee in youth camp... Insects love me.

2006's just started, and it's also my final semester !!!! already i'm celebrating in advance :) uni and thesis is far from reality... nyways, i'm so happy because...

1. i gota drop in S'pore... the fun part - going there during a not-holiday time for me. last visit was std 3... i so love to cruise along the streets - every crook and nook has a name... and there's always big trees waving to you on the main roads
2. and heard my favouritest speaker "Joyce Meyers" !!! she's even more impressive up life
3. Delirious-ed last night ! isit just the Brits ? or delirious and the way they make you "feel" the mountain tremble with such langour...;p
4. Zimerman's performing in July ! i wish he plays Chopin (program list has not been out yet), love the way he plays the lyrics, like poetry fingers...

anticipating what's next...*slurps*

oh yea.. UM got robbed b4 CNY...(means time to work for the securities) ... went to uni today, and there's quite a queue at the pj gate. i 4got to bring my student ID( of all days), and was interrogated, i.e."give your dean's name ?" (wic i 4got too...), but i gave a visual description of how he looks... tall, bald, janggut ( the last remark was chipped in by the guard himself...farnee la).

*sigh* duno how traffic will be like when lectures fully commence on Mon :( Like how we'd to queue up in the hall during primary/high skol b4 entering class every morning... with the prefects checking on our name tags, hair... now go to uni, have to line up with cars and show ID...