**sheuuw**

today i left my car window fully unwinded down !!!

was too all heads and eyes fumbling down my notes ( cyto org exams ) to notice i left it unwinded down.
found a note left by a kind passer-by to be careful next time... ( hey, thx for not entering my car and pressing the buttons or taking my shades whoever ya r )

how's a bluree like me gonna survive in a BIG, WiLd dog-eat-dog, u-better-stay-on-guard-or?!@! world ?

kinda counted few careless situations that could have left me...well, 'feel' the vulnerability of mankind.
Lost my wallet 3 times,
set the fire running unattended till it burn through my pots. Twice
set the oven without the timer. once

but somehow i've been spared mercily. Save a few uncontrollable unfavourable situations...
but i guess it's enough to thank the one up there for taking care of me. In probability classes- the incidence of one occurance could be due to chance, but 3 times ? - all savely returned and unscratched ? either i'm living in a teddy bear world ( n rest of the newspaper highlights are jst "other" ppl's nightmare ) or i owe Him ?!

Shhh... don't tell mummy

oatmeal & cookie

i'm sick... ( or getting sick )
December's always the best month to be in! lotsa sun beams...
these few years, i didn't escape the year-end flu.
my good ol' buddies are back !
the hustle and bustle of activities, traffic jam...
christmas decos and goodies
stress and tests
caroling, christmas cards...

i recalled last year being terribly sicked in youth camp.. and a Moral ( bleh ! ) assignment due after christmas day.
Ytdy, we've The Marshes with their musical fusion, Joel n team with their brick-dance...
i've 3 core papers dragging my feet b4 stepping into the new year. argh~
i feel so excited seeing ppl entering His house, presenting their talents and gifts to Him. It's like the wise mens bringing their treasures to baby Jesus.
mummy's not home and i've to manage the house ( just one week - and i've cultured fungus in my unwashed cup, apple & capsicum, made bean-curd out of my unfininished soya )
My unimates carolled around uni...church carollers were training and practicing hard 4 their performance...imagine how wd it be like if we would plant those dreams sowed into us ??
i think i better head back to my books now... but my throat hurts and i'm soo tired... knock, knock brains, ready to sponge some Hmn Chrms? sobs. nopes...
No wonder we're always reminded about faith- and the wonders it makes...Pmal -receiving by faith... without faith we can't please Him ?
uh oh... i must study, i must study... running out of excuses...


i believe our deepest fulfillment and joy is simply being able to worship ( give glory) Him with our... erm ( something-that-we're-so-passionate-or-really-good-about-that-we-identify-ourselves-with-it. )
it's as if creation are dancing b4 the creator... the crafted displaying it's beauty b4 the potter...like Mary pouring her most precious parfum at his feet...
Jesu joy of mankind ? -j.s. bach

crumples

there be a phrase " when you welcome a stranger, u welcome an angel" that casted an innocent smile to me.

sometimes, a simple handshake, a warm greet or friendly smile seemed to do the unspoken ushering langguage.
i try at least to be inviting towards the unknown, but after few incidents, it makes me ponder whether one's able to trust enough to even make a step of welcoming.

a helpful officer who demonstrate support upfront but having suspected motives behind...
a bubbly tell it all girl who turns out to enviably interested beyond her confinded " interest"
a conspiracy between friends

sigh*
no wonder chinese automatically barks at strangers...
...after all these ? being cautious is certainly not unfounded.

no wonder stories like the good Samarithan and the kind bishop in les miserable contrast our daily lifestyle like pearl in an sand-glazed oyster. To risk the vulnerability of self to welcome a stranger...in a world hidden with bandits and lurkers -who would knowingly choose that path ? amazing grace...

burnt

blogging ?

lately i've been feeling bit quizzy about blogging down my innerthoughts...
i recalled a model saying that part of her routine was to post half-naked to be evaluated by a panel of judges for audition...
eeerrr...
guess i'll pause here or just note down my daily happenings...

"Transparency with ppl – ppl distance u
No transparency – u distance yourself " Dr Huang ( a seminar at Citadel, Midvalley )
kinda like a tug of war...

I'll bake a cake and bake it well

lst night i had the priviledge of attending a piano finale and a chance to meet up with two pianist from Indon. ( i trust they must have been creme de la creme to be able to represent their country or to qualify to compete ?).

Andy didn't made it to the finals, but he said was really satisfied with this performance because he worked hard and gave his best shot. His simple explanation somewhat rang a new tone in me- i would never hear myself saying these lines. Why i'm hardly satisfied with my work.

well, my side of story ? ( one of the coffee break convy) well, the lame ol' less than 5 to D story... never performed never competed...lazy to memorise...yadayadaya...... i can never be like them !

a. Pat drew this convy aside and advised me to work on the " i can"
" if you think you can't, most likely you wouldn't give all to reach that...u end up in the so-so"
" always aim for the stars, even if you fail, who knows u might fall on the clouds"

i guess we hear these sort of gold nuggets ( S'na coined these advises as gold nuggets ) but allow it to fly pass... but somehow it seems like morning dew to me today ! ( well, i mean ytdy... but it feels so fresh )

Of course not everyone race towards the idea of achieving... but i see beyond that as giving my self a chance. I'll be cheating myself if i keep telling myself i can't or never will be coz u never know? or at least, to hear Andy's echo " i've given my best and i'm satisfied". serendipity ?

i'll bake a cake and bake it well ! [ even though it may not turn out well, but it's still well ( with my soul ) ]

Today

"I suggest that one of the things we can do on our Sabbath is to make time to revisit the week that has just passed. Recall the highlights of the week. Think of the bright points. A deal closed.
A good chat with family and friends, a nice movie, a good book, dorky or painful moments...

...I don't expect the pace of life to slow down anytime soon. But we don't have to be prisoners of chronos, victims carried helplessly along by the speed of life, our lives filled, but unfulfilled. With solitude and community, we put our roots down in Christ, seeking to understand the kairos significance of the events that make up our life." - grace@work. italics added.
http://www.graceatwork.org/

" behold ! i'm doing a new thing" ~Jesus Christ

i thought the vocal harmonisation on the chorus of "amazing love" was beautiful. Ps Mal, PLin's could make wonders with their voices. Church's in a very different ambience now. We have new carpets, new fridge, new plants outside, new sound tuning...

I really love the decorations on the huge Christmas tree. This year, they're going back to the original Christmas colour - red, green and gold. I guess i know who to call next time if i need hands to spice up my house. I helped to put up some ribbons up on the tree too.

I helped Princess Fiona and Marc to arrange the carolers into their voice groups today. This year we have 3 kiddies and 4 Aficans enriching our Christmas choir. I can't help imagining how sticky Aseans like us would learn to 'umba-rhumba' up with em'. :)
Not to mention Wahome being in the alto ( he got teased... i wonder whether has he broken his voice yet or ? ) and Kut-yeh in the tenor ( she seemed like a real loud african singer )... the presence of xiao Shrek and my really good friends there...*twinkles*

i remember too reb crying... thx for your tears.

Here's to a Merry Christmas... ( a toss for the sunshine outside )
and i pray Emmanuel. God be with us.

p.s- my new term starting tmr, bye holidays... :(

children of the abyss

to... ,



" memories of the past only remind them of what they have lost;
hope for the future only taunts them with an unknown too remote even to imagine."

" Loss takes what we might do and turns it into what we can never do.
Loss freezees life into a snapshot. We are stuck with what was instead of what could have been."




-"A grace disguised" by Jerry Sittser.

a Somebody

to Somebody,

i just came back from catching Sharks Tale with the Chews...

So what did i see ?
a cornucopia of imagination swimming in the deep sea - and that's what i call a-life !

but here's the catch...
"nobody loves a Nobody,
everybody loves a Somebody." -Oscar

that's exactly what we're doing now - dedicating our lifes to be a Somebody.
So that ( one day )we can live in the upper reefs- Bigger cars, larger lawn... early retirement ?
And perhaps that's just the way we humans work - there must be a hidden temptation ( the middle tree in Eden eh? ) that drives us.. or in the words of Hen " Eh, who wanna study if scoring a string of As' makes u a Nobody?"

After Oscar made it Big, Ang the humbleton broke it to him that she loved him back then when he was a Nobody... she thought she saw a Somebody in him then.
That changed the whole course of mr. Somebody... all because Someone, someone who has seen him in his most nakedness moment -believed in him.
And there he goes...casting all his Somebodiness away to woo her back...

aunt J says that generally guys would love a girl that worships the very ground he steps on...no wonder my churchs' guys are going for girls much younger than they! ... whoopsie :)
Or through the eyes of a child:
" On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. " -Mike, 10. :p

in short, u ain't something when u ain't Somebody...?! or we all need someone to believe in us...?

but suppose, if we have a Beholder who found a Somebody in us... would we pursue after him ? would we allow our Somebodiness to be define by him ?

" In desert land he found her, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded her and cared for her; he guarded her as the apple of his eye. "
Deut 32 : 10. Italics overwrite the original. It's... for Somebody.

re-birth of a gingerbread man

Grief melts away
Like snow in May
As if there were no such cold thing.
Who would have thought my shrivl'd heart
Could have recover'd greennesse? It was gone
Quite underground

And now in age I bud again,
After so many deaths I live and write;
I once more smell the dew and rain,
And relish versing : O my only light
It cannot be
That I am he
On whom thy tempest fell all night
" The Flower" by George Herbert

there are few things that never cease to inspire me: autumn leaves, an old couple sitting hand-in-hand on a wooden swing, the oak trunk, whisperings of nature, courting birds....
somehow this poem, together with Stravinskys' "Apollo- the coda" usher in a new season to my heart.

Look outside the window ! the grass are greening, the flowers are budding, my guppies are flapping their tails like crimson spanish skirts... if seasons could paint our souls.

branches

it's fun to glide down the mountain paths sometimes... swinging my hands from branches to tree trunks that zig zagged along the path...it's as if the forest are extending their hands to me while i spree down... care not my legs are sliding... nor my ankles unanchored on firm soil...for the trees never move... their branches be there to hold me... oh cut them down not...remove them not from me...

the ups and downs in life is liken to our journey on a mountain range. there is not much need to watch for our steps when we climb up, we only need to pull ourselves up in steepy passages. But as we're going down ( in a sader mood this time ), we arrange our steps slowly, sometimes skipping, tripping, sometimes allowing our nimble feet to be pull down by the gravity...
it's so nice to have friends that we can hang on to, like the branches of the trees...
as we pause to catch our breaths or just a swing down. i know they be there. the familiar branches, the firm trunks...

sometimes because of misunderstanding these branches broke off from ur paths... someone else may have a firm grip on these branches, i can't put my hands there ny more...perhaps we may change the familiar course we took then we don't bump into them ny more...maybe they grew in a different direction, towards their sunlight while we're still gliding...

my lil comfort is that knowing that my Source will send the rain, the sun rays, the seeds... other branches will grow... lil sprouts will shoot out...they will...i know.......they will.........:)

knots

finally... my first semester wraps to an end...

I recalled my lecturer ( presently my favourite :) ) mentioned during class concerning a student sending her a lengthy mail voicing her angst about life...

" why is he acting this way? why couldn't he just be..."
" arggh!! why must i go thru... of all days... "

she was able to understand the girls' frustration... as she was about to reply to her queries, she paused and thought... " why get did she get herself tied up in so many knots ? "

journeying back the last semester -my response towards ppl & situations that are preplexing... many a times i crumple up my heart... same ol' questions spinning around my mind... now i wonder... " ai yarr... why tie so many knots? "

we can choose to swim against the raging currents or set our banners up while sailing with the winds... sometimes, by pining our eyes on the knots in life, we miss out the big picture... after all, the greatest stories that live in our hearts are about - grace.

am soaking in ginny owen & mark shultzs' " remember me"... it's a beautiful piece about the sweet longings of an ol' companion who's waiting...waiting... as we walk out fr sunday school; able teach & preach... would we remember him?

the aluminium foil

uncoil it and what do see inside ?
what if u crumple it... who's staring at u now ?

a reflection of Edward in his scared white pale face & ungroomed hair casting a shadowy glance at his awkwardly jutted out scissorhands...

one day a fair lady decide to knock at his door ... oh ! she realised he wasn't so hideous after all and decide to transform him into her prince.

at once he felt alas he was accepted by the cheery suburb neighbours jst below the slopes of his hide-out... with his hands he crafted beautiful masterpieces... oh how they stare with wonder, silence by his sizziling hands...

oh but he made a mistake... his once prized hands become a razor sharp weapon. it had and would slice and cut uncontrollably out of the way... those that once befriended him for his very posession now screamed with horror at this bouquet of knifes... rejected, scorned and mocked...

oh how he ran...how he wanted to hide... back to the nest where he once belonged... maybe they can't see him anymore... perhaps it will be safe back home... back to his creator... back where only his grotesque surroundings would understand him...

snip snap snip snap....

the batter

oh-me-gosh i'm blogging !!
...Surprise surprise !!!

Well, it started out with my bro asking me why didn't i blog ?
Am not quite an inside out person... but just tot perhaps i can give this a try ? also, thx to my blogging friends, i...i.. was influenced. hehe
can our tots and soul possibly be rape against our wishes?

The Oven.
I chose the title because it sort of bake a description of life to me.
U need a recipe to get things started ! Mixing and spicing them up along the way, and off it goes in the oven. Sometimes it comes out crispy on the outside smooth on the inside ( drool...)! sometimes burnt ! sometimes it's an uneven bake or just plain raw& stinky. Sometimes nothing's cooking and it gets hardy and cold inside... the void.
the yearnings, the longings, the reachings...
I can't cook though. Hah ~

what's baking?!
burnt marshmallow, green peas stuffed in white chicken and a dose of salsa ( on the wings )

-biscuit-

p.s- once i heat the pizza in the oven without setting the timer... and totally forgot about it later... it was mid-night and everyone's upstairs... till my bro came downstairs and smelt something...
hey, but it turn out to be just the right 'crisp' outside ( though it was a lil burnt, but it was still soft inside! )
hihi :)