Friday, August 25, 2006

growing up

" God would not put you through a trial without a purpose behind it" - Joel Osteen.

I seldom enjoy associating difficult events of my life as trials... because if i were to compare my life now to the early century christians, exams & work stress against persecution & fleeing are a luxury... so i tend to skip verses about trials/hardship in the bible... as if it's written for them or missionaries in middle east than me...

But working life's getting bit difficult for me to handle now, and so i'd like to claim these verses for myself.. or at least, i can have a better 'light' to illuminate upon my situation...

1 Peter 4: 12; James 1: 2-4.

I learn to grow up in this new episode. Growing to pick myself up really quick before i'm being weigh down by circumstances/ppl. Growing to see the 'i-don't-know-hows' as little nuggets to tackle than BIG goliath.

Although teaching little kids makes me feel rather underutilize... (yes, i love kids in general, so long as i don't have to discipline em' ;p) .. but there are some lessons which i learned in 'school'.

1st lesson> i have to draw the borders, else the little children will treat u like one of em'. (i think some of em' can't tell the difference). This will be a good training for me, coz i realize there are times i was pressured into decisions that i don't quite like because i wasn't sure-footed enough. Now i know i have more control than i allow myself to see. Or rather, i have to be in control (of my life), else i be controlled.

2nd lesson> i can't expect kids to know-how. I am given a chance to tell/educate them (or to repeat/ reinvent) until they get it. (ok not all will learn, but they say if u get 20% to listen to you in class, that's a pretty sucessful rate). Pretty similiar to dealing with adults in an organization i guess... of cause i can't appeal to them as a sage, but it helps to communicate out what's expected of a task or invite ppl to participate rather than assume that ppl would know how since they're grownups ? Same thing with marriage too i guess. Ppl come fr diff background with different expectations, hopes, values... and we can't expect our spouse to know what wd make us tick or itch. ( maybe this applies more to girls hur? coz i think alot of us expect the guys to 'sek zou'... some of us come with huge set of expectations... sigh. pity the guys...sometimes they're jst well-meaning but bit dense la)

3rd lesson> there is a gap of understanding between me and the kids... i think i have to adjust my communication style to relate to em'. Cause sometimes they don't speak adult langguage. Esp the belum-matang-lagi-boys in my std 5s n 6s. "teacher, why do i need to study?" Me : "actually, u don't have to. your parents are so darn rich, they're quite happy to give you what you want. At this age, you're asking for PS II or branded jeans which can be readily appeased than asking for cars or money to study overseas (which you would ask later). Since life is so easy for u, there's no pressure for you to grow up and think about goals in life to work towards it..." (jst kiddin'. i din say that to them ;p) I told the boys they need to fill their minds up cause girls don't like guys that are just cute. {since they're in the age where they've ady started to disturb girls (in ways that annoy em'), tot i mite use that to trick em' into studying?} And guess what? the girls in my class actually nod ?!! woo hoo... we're just destined to be wise fr the start. ;p

Monday, August 14, 2006

don't really

overwhelmed

don't feel too good about my new job :(

doesn't seem to make sense that i have to spend 1/4 of the time controlling the class just to start or resume lessons...a lesson of patience for myself? but these kids are sleek. They freeze when fierce teachers pass by. I guess they can tell when not fierce ones are pretending...

don't understand why i have to spend extra time 'helping' bigger kids who doesn't wanna be help.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Sigh

bed

exhaust pipe

cave

need a cave

una corda

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

First day

today's my first teaching day...

Sent one 12 yr old boy to to the principle's office... and he came back apologizing to me. With tears. My heart melted instantly... :( kinda wonder whether i was too harsh on him.

I was drilled by friends/family/teachers about establishing my authority on start otherwise i'd loose my control... and so i tried. I think i scare myself off today... first time hearing myself YELLING at kids, or punishing em' to stand... i think i was more scared of them than being angry...(inside my heart i was really pitying em'... after all kids r still kids ain't it? but gota be strong lah)

teaching kids is not jst about teaching, but disciplining, n keeping the class in order as well (which seemed to take the bulk of it). In a way, it thought me alot also about the importance of respect n order... i really duno how to list the importance of these virtues down in words... (oh dear, hope i don't sound old?) but in the contrary, ppl jst can't be left to their whims of whenever & whatevers... what's gonna happen when they're out @ work ? an ungirdled stallion can't compete in the race ain't it?... i really hope one day when they grow up they'd come to understand and appreciate the borders which i've drawn out... n not remembering me as a mad young strict teacher who terrorised their childhood. Even if they don't remember me, i hope some good stuffs of that get soak into their system. Of which i feel accountable for...

Reminiscening on the school days where mom never make homework or studying a choice. She definately backed her words up with 'reinforcement'. We lived thru' weeks without t.v. too... n comparing it to some of my peers (back in school) who seemed to struggle between play & work*... i feel indebted to mom for not sparing the rod...

nyways, i shall surrender this day to the Maker, of fulfillments n errors...
n pray that i'll be wiser n stronger as the days grow...
n i really pray that my students wd get to see the kinder days... soon.

* then again, there r exceptions. I've met few major ponteng ex-school mates who seemed to catch up real quick, now, when it comes to work & money...