First day

today's my first teaching day...

Sent one 12 yr old boy to to the principle's office... and he came back apologizing to me. With tears. My heart melted instantly... :( kinda wonder whether i was too harsh on him.

I was drilled by friends/family/teachers about establishing my authority on start otherwise i'd loose my control... and so i tried. I think i scare myself off today... first time hearing myself YELLING at kids, or punishing em' to stand... i think i was more scared of them than being angry...(inside my heart i was really pitying em'... after all kids r still kids ain't it? but gota be strong lah)

teaching kids is not jst about teaching, but disciplining, n keeping the class in order as well (which seemed to take the bulk of it). In a way, it thought me alot also about the importance of respect n order... i really duno how to list the importance of these virtues down in words... (oh dear, hope i don't sound old?) but in the contrary, ppl jst can't be left to their whims of whenever & whatevers... what's gonna happen when they're out @ work ? an ungirdled stallion can't compete in the race ain't it?... i really hope one day when they grow up they'd come to understand and appreciate the borders which i've drawn out... n not remembering me as a mad young strict teacher who terrorised their childhood. Even if they don't remember me, i hope some good stuffs of that get soak into their system. Of which i feel accountable for...

Reminiscening on the school days where mom never make homework or studying a choice. She definately backed her words up with 'reinforcement'. We lived thru' weeks without t.v. too... n comparing it to some of my peers (back in school) who seemed to struggle between play & work*... i feel indebted to mom for not sparing the rod...

nyways, i shall surrender this day to the Maker, of fulfillments n errors...
n pray that i'll be wiser n stronger as the days grow...
n i really pray that my students wd get to see the kinder days... soon.

* then again, there r exceptions. I've met few major ponteng ex-school mates who seemed to catch up real quick, now, when it comes to work & money...