Casino Royale

--Casino Royale --

...of trust, betrayal and vulnerability...

g

g

p.s- i was mesmerized by her beauty (or was it her airs? something unobxiously concealed in her light hearted-ness), and decided to do a sketch on her... well, after much editing, here u have her. Hope she looks like her? bit skinny though. how about her twin? ;p
g
g

challenge your fears

fear... is like my first few companion when it comes to trying out new stuffs. I hope i ditch u in no time.

I've met ppl who would purposely try out things they are afraid of just to challenge their fears...
connecting it to famous courage quotes*, I think i should make it my 'thing' to do for 2007 - trying out things i'm afraid of... coz u'd never know what's beyond your fears unless u tried. even once. At the same time, once u've overcome one fear hurdle, your 'inner self' would learn confidence, which makes other attempts less fearful... like a spiral effect.

So what r my fears ?

1. being away fr home all alone
do i have to overcome this fear? maybe i sd go sign up for a >1 week camp somewhere

2. venturing into unfamiliar social territories
better now. funny thing is i'm not afraid to talk to new ppl... think i almost cried when mom made me joined Hen's youth group (that time cbc was his church, i was churched in a church down the road)... i was 12 then. thk God for Ben, Esther, Sharon, Ee Mei... think they were the first few angels that flew out the door to 'invite' me in...coz i ran away. but i guess God can always turn our fear experience into a blessing, b'coz i would have not been able to relate to newcomers fear if i've not felt it myself...and make em' feel welcome in return (i hope they do).

3. fighting my way in the corporate world
never dream of climbing the corporate ladder. not b'coz of my noble convictions, but think i'm more of a hobbyist...like to have my own sweet time... if i can make a career out of the things i like, wouldn't that be great? but i really do respect those who made it big out there.

4. stage fright

5. getting married
jst kidding.... :P i'm afraid of changes though. Lately, it strucked on me that i'm growing older (although i lied to myself otherwise), and i'm only given one moment in the eternal time frame to live. Ppl & circumstances will fly me by, but i have to be intentional about the purposes or dreams that God has seeded in me... else it'll jst remain as seeds. sprout !

6.7.8....etc...


*"courage is not the absence of fear but the mastery over it"
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon

p.s- meanwhile i've been really worried about my future... although it's stew-pik to think so much n have no answers. my fearful question to face wd be ' so, what r u doing now?'

there's something

there's something sweet, inviting yet faraway...

about David Benoit's dad's room (fr his Professional Dreamer's album. what a name)... wonder whether he's writing fr a nostalgic point of view... like visiting his old house which he grew up...walking to a room where dad used to be... probably a room where his dad did his hobby... which he stood at the door silently observing his dad... in child-like awe...

i wonder how's his dad like...

i ponder on how it feels like to be a kid again... to be awe-struck at the bigger ppl...

i am still amazed at how ppl made it out there...still being wrapped up in my comforts... or perhaps fear...

i pray i would not be afraid again...

b'coz i have an awesome Father

nuggets

Every decision you make is a seed you sow*


Whatever you focus on will expand*
ponder about what you can do, not what you can't,
let the good things in life be bigger than the sad ones
seek out the good in others


What are you doing with what you have?*
not much? nothing gets better


*Joyce Meyers
*Andrew Matthews - follow your heart

ebbing & emerging tides

2006 was soaked with many different tides...

high tides...

graduating (Aug)

rekindling my old hobbies: diving (rusted for 5 yrs), drawing (rusted for 8 yrs)

meeting my stars live: Joyce Meyers (Jan 06), Kristian Zimmermann (July 06), Fourplay (Aug 06)

making new friends : fr camp n work (to wic many of em' i'm grateful and indebted to)

went to : Klang Gates, HK, Perhentian, Redang, Nuang, Lepoh, S'pore. (*woa me* arranged chronologically starting fr latest. Each place slabs in a piece of memory if its kind)

Got a new job (Aug)

low tides...

getting older (argh)

quit my job...

saying goodbye to a friend... who has won my heart over...
he was so sure about me n proved himself by his sacrifice & service, finds out the things & food that i like and went e extra mile to get em' for me, accompanies me to places that i like even though he's not interested, says the sweetest things... kinda hard not to like someone who took so much effort jst to win you over hur...but i wasn't sure about my future with him... our priorities n lifestyles doesn't seems to match...
why does it feels so bad trying to make right choices in life? :((

upcoming tides...

going back to ministry again.
which i was running away from for a long time, guess there were loads of dissapointments buried in...but i'd also came to realized like what pro 20:5 says of the deep purposes of a man's heart... that hidden within me are many desires and dreams that were tie to Him as well...

be excited and passionate about life
Jer 29 : 5,7

intertidal zone
I really am not prepared to go overseas for so many yrs... there's so much bout my family, my friends and even this country itself that i've grown fond of...i don't want to be away... yet the course that i want to study is not found here...

i've come to see myself changed fr someone who's sure-footed to being fickle-minded...well, it's just that things are not as simple as they seemed and i'm taking alot of things into consideration, since i'm presented with decisions... (so u'd understand if ur living on the edge... read somewhere that ppl changed e most at 20-30)... but at the end of the day it boils down to ->what do you want in life? And once you've got that figure out, you've got to dogged twds it.