wonderings

i wonder...

...why i'm so blurr sometimes. well, was caught in surprise once, when a young girl answered at the end of my house line. Found out it was my friend, and i dialled wrongly. Apart fr that, there's countless me sending the wrong sms or msn msg. how embarassing..

*need grace for myself*

... why there's so many angry ppl out there... either directly expressed or inwardly supressed. wonder whether life really hit hard on us... or maybe we duno how to healtily channel it.. or we just need to forgive more ? i guess one of the challenge in life is to forgive ourselves and perhaps God that life din turn out the way we expect, yet learning to make good of the blessing that comes by. one way to be happy ?

*smile*

... after watching i-robot. Come to think of it -We're just made up of codes ! DNAs. Of course, the final product is influenced by environment. Learned about C-value paradox. That is the more chromosome ( something that our DNAs are nicely packed into) an organism have, does not reflect the complexity of it. (i.e you can have a fern plant with 200+ haploid number, compared to human-23). So there, bit hard to explain macro-evolution fr this angle.

... used to be that most scientist thinks that the junk DNAs ( about 90-95%? of our DNA did not code for any structure) are the residues of evolution. Yet now, we're learning more and more about their importance, especially in regulating the coding and unlocking the code (transcription) process. And how mutation of just one single nucleotide, can bring such a disastrous consequences on the final outcome. But we're not left to wander, coz we've got many complicated mechanism (i.e about 6-7 DNA repaired mechanism that i learned of) just to save-guard the integrity of our DNAs !!!

*i am fearfully and wonderfully made* (psalms 139: 14)

...Maybe someday we can be resurrected again. Wonder whether i'll be the same me ?
or a different soul and spirit ? ( the future for this is not too far. Now that there's a latest technology that can sequence the entire fly genome (that is the entire genes) in like few hours ? who knows, someday our genome can be sequenced in few hours... or stored into a chip. (and if our grandchildren misses us, and won't mind having baby me, then...hehe).

... then again, can computer info evolved and re-program themselves ? ( like VIKI in i-robot). when do life come about ? one of the first few theories i learned in biology is that "life comes from life". Then again, is DNA something, alive? Well, can't imagine a software turning into life (i.e feeling robot). So, again how did the soul and spirit comes about fr DNAs?

*i guess amidst the simplicity that S & T bridges us... there are still things our mind can't understand. and i stand amazed at the wonders of the creator*

Yesterdays

" I've learned that being kind is more important than being right" ~Andy Rooney

few nites ago, a few wayward strands of my eye lashes at the edge of my right upper eye lid grew into my eyes. It scraped against my eyeballs...anyways, thank God this time i managed to flushed water and rubbed my eyelash off. Thx yik for that suggestion. The last time it happened on October last year, i'd to pay rm40 for "opti-cure" to get my eye-lashes plucked. My eyes was secreting lotsa yellowy eye-shit for protection ady... was horrified when the doctor took out the metal tray(like dentist-sort) full of surgical tools. Not to mention i had my right eye anaesthetize. eye-drop, not needle. *sheueeeuw*

which reminded me of the incongrous events that tint the pigments of my life... During my Cf camp last year in a jungle, an insect jabbed my left thigh...from nowhere and flew away. Poor k'cheng... deprieved her role as judge for the food preparation to drive me to the clinic at the nearest town, which happened to be like an hour plus away. Few months later, i got stung by a bee in youth camp... Insects love me.

2006's just started, and it's also my final semester !!!! already i'm celebrating in advance :) uni and thesis is far from reality... nyways, i'm so happy because...

1. i gota drop in S'pore... the fun part - going there during a not-holiday time for me. last visit was std 3... i so love to cruise along the streets - every crook and nook has a name... and there's always big trees waving to you on the main roads
2. and heard my favouritest speaker "Joyce Meyers" !!! she's even more impressive up life
3. Delirious-ed last night ! isit just the Brits ? or delirious and the way they make you "feel" the mountain tremble with such langour...;p
4. Zimerman's performing in July ! i wish he plays Chopin (program list has not been out yet), love the way he plays the lyrics, like poetry fingers...

anticipating what's next...*slurps*

oh yea.. UM got robbed b4 CNY...(means time to work for the securities) ... went to uni today, and there's quite a queue at the pj gate. i 4got to bring my student ID( of all days), and was interrogated, i.e."give your dean's name ?" (wic i 4got too...), but i gave a visual description of how he looks... tall, bald, janggut ( the last remark was chipped in by the guard himself...farnee la).

*sigh* duno how traffic will be like when lectures fully commence on Mon :( Like how we'd to queue up in the hall during primary/high skol b4 entering class every morning... with the prefects checking on our name tags, hair... now go to uni, have to line up with cars and show ID...

roundabouts

"what do you say to a good friend who accidently spilled coffee on you?"

"what do you say to yourself if you were the one spilling it instead?"

"u stupid. idiot"

i realized through Dr Meier that we tend to be harsher on ourselves than toward others. In doing so, we're not granting ourselves grace but are working hard in the flesh to prove our sufficiency.*

Ironically, when we accept Christ into our lives, we're basically declaring that " i wouldn't make it anyway! so quit trying so hard and surrender to His grace" (Roms 3: 23-24) Yet, grace seems to lost it's role right after the point of conversion...somehow...

so, in our daily lifes we leave grace behind and like most ppl, we walk around carrying a mild dose of discontentment, or calling ourselves total failures at one or two mistakes, compare ourselves with others and awe at how they managed to hold it all up...and perhaps like me, falling flat to my bed when i start thinking about my past failings, half fearing whether i'd even end up achieving or would i end up living a mediocre life...in simple words, we trust ourselves too much. ( if it's about us fulfilling them all)

" people who fear the future or uncertainties does not lack faith, it's just that they're putting their faith in negativity, believing it will come through rather than God's promises." **

Linking that to what Matt Fielder said, if we were to expect nothing, then we've already got what we paid for... there we go walking around with our arms crossed and heads down...nothing is going to happen if we're not inviting anything or going out there to create something...ever wonder why delightful things always happen to some ppl, while some seemed to hit themselves on the wall all the time ? Matthews claims it all upon ourselves - our perspective of life or attitude.*** ( ok, maybe some ppl have an easier life:) ) Tying it back to what i wrote earlier about our expectations in life and self-fulfilling prophecies, certain things are begining to make sense to me now ( and as much as i love to blame others, i guess it all boils down to my attitude and beliefs). :)

Being an object of grace would also means removing 'self' fr the throne to "God", believing that I am able to because of Him? (Phi 1:6, 2 Cor 9:8, Phi 4:13) and trading our thoughts to thinking His ways ? (Phi 4:8, 2 Cor 10:5 );


* www.joycemeyers.org > tv & radio broadcast > Dec 12th > Joyce with Dr Meier
** Enjoying Everyday Life, December 05 issue.
***Andrew Matthews. (1993) "Making friends." Media Masters. S'pore.

oophs

Your Inner Child Is Naughty

Like a child, you tend to discount social rules.It's just too much fun to break the rules!You love trouble - and it seems that trouble loves you.And no matter what, you refuse to grow up!

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howisyourinnerchildquiz/">How Is Your Inner Child?

now, how do they figure that out in just 5 questions ?

home alone 2

4 days of giving the house to me ( and bro) and this is what happened :

1. two piles of half dried clothes all being aired up in the hall. ( well, it's been raining since, and the clothes won't dry up. Think i might try putting them in the oven )

2. A mother cat giving birth to kittens below my shoe rack outside... and i duno how to get rid of em'...

oh dear oh dear... the last time i was home alone, i cultured fungus fr left-overs in the fridge and unwashed cups...

Guess i'm so used to ppl tidying up after me... plus being the youngest, it's easy to get away with the mess...i can just leave my cup on my study table, and next thing you know it walked back to the kitchen...but now, it just doesn't do that trick anymore. :( pity my bro, comes back late fr work and has to straighten up the house. Well, thank God i've one day to clean up right after my last paper b4 my parents return (screaming).

2 more papers to go...

sigh*... i wonder whether it's just me or ? when it comes to final year my motivation to study has decline... arrived on time for me to walk in the exam hall without having to line up...the only setback is that there's no parking space left and i'll have to walk really far...not study on weekends...watch the nanny marathon on Sunday...drive on the slowest lane so i don't have to reach so early...chat or stare blank to space rather than look thru my notes b4 entering...
oh wait... i think it's just me. The last finals i forgot to collect my exam slip...yeah, guess it's me...

Meanwhile i'm still unsure whether my uni's cutting short our holidays or...our last mid sem holiday was altered with just a wave on the wand... in just one week's notice, "eh? holidays change adi"

if only...

I wish... :)

meanwhile, my life cycle goes rocking between " sleep, study, sleep, sleep..."

Pretty much entertained at how my university admin tried so hard to console themselves over consolation prize by flagging the whole campus with "UM ternobat" banners... i better go snap some shots before the education ministry decides to remove it.

not the least, The Nanny and Peanuts have really helped kick in some fun for me...

Well, my parents are dumping me home alone (bro's hardly around now that he's working) to go for a vacation... not fair... they've always took me along... now i'll have to wait till i start earning my own money to travel... boo...hoo...

be attending one of my cousin's wedding at the end of Nov. That reminds me to top up my wardrobe right after my last paper... have not feed it since last semester's holiday... Be looking forward for the 25th where my cousins, aunts and granny will be flying down for the wedding...

Nothing

I'm so excited because I'm gonna go to the High School of Performing Arts!
I mean, I was dying to be a serious actress. Anyway, it's the first day acting class- and we're in the auditorium and the teacher, Mr. Karp... Oh, Mr. Karp... Anyway, he puts us up on the stage with our legs around each other, one in back of the other and he says: "Okay... we're going to do improvisations. Now, you're on a bobsled. It's snowing out. And it's cold...Okay...GO!"

Ev'ry day for a week we would try to
Feel the motion, feel the motion
Down the hill.

Ev'ry day for a week we would try to
Hear the wind rush, hear the wind rush,
Feel the chill.

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
To see what I had inside.
Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
And I tried, I tried.

And everybody's goin' "Whooooosh, whooooosh ...
I feel the snow... I feel the cold... I feel the air."
And Mr. Karp turns to me and he says, "Okay, Morales. What did you feel?"

And I said..."Nothing,
I'm feeling nothing,"
And he says "Nothing Could get a girl transferred."

They all felt something,
But I felt nothing
Except the feeling
That this bullshit was absurd!

But I said to myself, "Hey, it's only the first week. Maybe it's genetic. They don't have bobsleds in San Juan!"

Second week, more advanced, and we had to
Be a table, be a sportscar...
Ice-cream cone.

Mister Karp, he would say,"Very good,
except Morales. Try, Morales,
All alone."

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
To see how an ice cream felt.
Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
And I tried to melt.

The kids yelled, "Nothing!"
They called me "Nothing"
And Karp allowed it,
Which really makes me burn.

They were so helpful.
They called me "Hopeless",
Until I really didn't know
Where else to turn.

And Karp kept saying,"Morales, I think you should transfer to Girl's High,You'll never be an actress, Never!"

Jesus Christ!
Went to church, praying, "Santa Maria,
Send me guidance, send me guidance,"
On my knees.

Went to church, praying, "Santa Maria,
Help me feel it, help me feel it.
Pretty please!"

And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul
Came up to the top of my head.
And the voice from down at the bottom of my soul,
Here is what it said:

"This man is nothing!
This course is nothing!
If you want something,
Go find another class.

And when you find one
You'll be an actress."
And I assure you that's what
Fin'lly came to pass.

Six months later I heard that Karp had died.
And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul...
And cried.
'Cause I felt... nothing.

A Chorus Line (07/25/1975 - 04/28/1990)
music by Marvin Hamlisch; lyrics by Edward Kleban

satisfying ?

" life is too short not to be fun" - J.C. Maxwell.


Sounds a little twisted from the familiar " life is short cut the crap" quote fr ah pek hur=p. But i feel the formal better suited after reading John Maxwell's " what is most rewarding? -Developing the Leader within you" although i believe the underlying meaning is much similiar. (priorities)

Maxwell, in one of his career lectures encouraged the audience to seek something they liked to do so much that they would gladly do it for nothing. He wittily suggested that they learned to do it so well that people would be happy to pay them for it. Adding onto it, When you are making a sucess of something, it's not work. It's a way of life* ...i spent some time listing down what would give me satisfaction in life... and i realized i've hardly invested much in these area nor am i gearing myself to that direction. *shocks*

Toping up my guilt, a question of "what would you do differently if you could live your life over again" was surveyed on senior citizens. 3 themes emerged from the results :

1. If i had it to do over again, i would reflect more.
2. If i had it to do over again, i would risk more.
3. If i had it to do over again, i would do more things that would live on after i am dead.**

Uh, i hope i can remind myself on these before i reach senescence and be part of the survey. No.2 & 3 is something i've to work on. Not too sure whether to interpret no.3 as setting myself on the eternal pathway ( Col 3: 1,2) or leaving a legacy.*** risk ? urh ? i'm freak out of changes...

Lastly, i'd like to end with my beloved author's quotation " Sucess in your work will be greatly increased if the 3R's ( Requirements/Return/Reward) are similar. In other words, if the requirements of my job are the same as my strengths that give me the highest return and doing those things brings me great pleasure, then i will be successful if I act on my priorities." Well, just a little guide to shape my thinking upon graduating.

On other reservations, i've met many ppl who don't quite enjoy what they're doing, yet...u know, like adolescence who really need to get a hold on a job else their parents will chase them out of the house... seems like beggars can't be chooser ? or are there other options that are untempered?

*Andy Granatelli. ( duno who)

**Dr Anthony Campolo's sociological study on 50 ppl over age of 95. ( that's the only ref i got fr Maxwell's book)

*** Legacy - not as in being the first women who cloned the prefrontal brain of apes ( like a century later, nobody will remember me, safe some neuroscience text books), but being remembered as someone who believed in johny boy when no one else does; someone who shared her life to others and have loved. Which is also quite challenging...

John C. Maxwell, "Developing the Leader within you" Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1993, pg 27-28.

*yawns*

bore

1. If someone/thing bores you, they make you lose interest and feel tired and often impatient because you find them dull and uninteresting. eg. gen lanj bores me

2. You can also bore a hole in something, like using a drill. eg. maybe if i bore a hole in my skull i might squeeze more of my boring notes in.

3. If someone's eyes bore into you, they are staring intensely at you. ( equivalent to burn) eg. my eyes bore at my books for hours, yet nothing went pass my optical nerves to my optical lobe.

Excerpted from the Collins Cobuild English Langguage Dictionary. Copyrighted 1987.

sick adi

*sigh*

~whines~

...sniff...

OoooOOOooo

work or play

hi to my holidays,

too bad there's so much work stacking up... play time seems so dear in comparison;

brought a bunch of kids under a shelter home to 1U & Ikano. I can't help feeling sorry that such adorable creatures could be victims (direct or indirect) from abusive family... still, they were the sounds of joy and vitality throughout the day trip ! me & terk were given 4 kids to ferry... Can't imagine how it would be like being parents... so tiring... i remember a 3 year old playing with the 'sensor' water tap and i just stood there (amused at the same time)... i tried to tell him his hands were cleaned enough. tried but... used to shake my head at permissive parents, now i can only nod thinking i might turn out to be one after all...

watched charlie & the choco factory with the older group in 1U... poor children... i wonder whether depp's character + the oompha-loompa clones screwed their minds off... there seemed to be some reminiscence of Edward Scissorhands here - like after cutting the ribbon, the camera focused onto his scissors. His fingers were covered by his coat; the dentist liken the creator; and wonka's freezing response when his father embraced him. The choco Eden garden made me beamed, and there were some flashes of fasinating scenes to make the movie worth a try...but i'd rather visit the book again. :)

ok... back to work... *yawns*
poor-o-holiday... she'll just slip by while i tuck myself with work.

tmr tmr..

"tomorrow tomorrow i love you tomorrow..." ~annie fr Annie?

can't wait ! papers would be over then... time to flush it all down the toilet bowl...
Well, somehow this season i've been drawn to the fading otherwordly sounds... started off with my pine for twin peaks -falling... and now unwrapping Angelo Badalamenti's works...(bits of it)

I like the way he uses sounds to evoke feelings... ethereal, subtle, like the smell of beauty permeating thru darkness... a stalk of impressionism amidst pop art? or surrealism on it's own feet? ironically, how can a blend stand on it's own ? falling, falling...
check out some of his titles used too..."questions in the world of blue", "floating...", "moving through time"... very suggestive

just that his songs usually leaves a haunting feeling...(i wouldn't dare immerse myself into the movies he composed for...spooky !) falling, falling...

hur ?

one straight row of papers... *choke* *gasp*

"Sometimes when i get up in the morning, i feel very peculiar.
I feel like i've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy!!
But then i just take a deep breath and forget about it.
That's what is known as real maturity" ;p
~Snoopy*

hmm... i realised i have become immune to the ytdys... hopefully it's due to me surrendering to the Wider arms up above and not due to my boh chap-ness... returning to my last entry, Efg said i should get more of those remarks, that way it wouldn't trouble me much next time...tot it makes sense.

Used to grip through life and now i'm skipping through... duno where i'm arriving though! haha..
I guess i sort of resort to keep life simple and light... after all, we really can't comprehend everything, and even if we do, we can't be too sure that what's out there matches inside. sounds rather post-modernistic eh ?

lessons fr JMs...
"life's about the journey not the destination"... vs i've always live for end of classes, weekends and holidays
"anybody can be happy if all that they ever wanted suddenly drop down from heaven" so so true... i realised how i'm often trapped into feeling unhappy when things don't go my way and vice versa. Guess it means learning to rejoice by anchoring deep into the Source. Since He claims to be our fountain of living water... my as well drink from it..
and finally fr Phil 4:11, learning to be content at whatever the circumstances, coz Christ has promised to give us strength. this verse has been liken a balm to my frailness.

anyways, holidays are coming...i shall give me self a treat and make me a happy person ! :)
then again, having hope helps us through the day too ain't it ? i guess there's things that depletes our soul and others fume our heart... and we've got to strike a balance somewhere to maintain wholeness?

*fr "Where yr blanket Is, There will your heart be also. "-Parables of Peanuts...Short calls it as a frame of mind, "adjustment"

ouch...

"keep the goodies, throw the trash"

so there... one rubbish gone :)

"fearing people is a dangerous trap, but to trust the LORD means safety." Prov 29: 25

"Also, every man to whom God has given riches and possessions ( gifts and abilities), and the power to enjoy them and to accept his appointed lot and to rejoice in his toil-this is the gift of God" Ecc 5: 19

"Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you." Ps 27: 3-5

i'm reminded at this time that God is my source. I can be happy because my hope is in Him...

His Eye is on the Sparrow

"Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come;

Why should my heart be lonely,and long for heaven and home;

When Jesus is my portion, My constant friend is He;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy;

I sing because I’m free;

For His eye is on the sparrow;

And I know He watches me.

Let not your heart be troubled, His tender word I hear;

And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;

Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise;

When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies;

I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

~Ci­vil­la D. Mar­tin, 1905.

V

these few weeks have squeezed me into a ball -i'm either bouncing up & down looking for the ppl-up-there or being passed around by lecturers...sigh* But i've my share of joy hunting for virgin drosophillas during this week's lab...just that my eyeballs hurt by squinting too hard into the microscope.

Just thought of drafting down a bridge between my holidays and new term here...i supposed i would use "eye-opening" as a theme for my past 3 months - first working experience, meeting the east asians students at a conference, learning more from friends who come from difficult background & appreciating how tough they've become to overcome...& "2nd chance"- sharpening a long lost skill, allowing my legs to do the extra mile & regaining my trust in some things i've lost faith on?

The dawn of my new term sees me pecking & kicking my way out of the shell, sometimes the broken pieces spill in. I've suceed in having my head protrude out of a sharp edged hole and sticking out one feet , yet i'm still enclasped in the shell case. Well, it's both liberting and prisoning depends where one's seeing from. That paints it out for my life direction, given roles and ppl... really is a struggle poking everywhere yet having no certainty...but i'd like to quote kwai's word that certainty is like solid - u step on what's already there; Uncertainty's like liquid - u get to swim around ( n explore )...

so much so for changes...guess what? the sesame street producers are getting cookie monster to eat vegebites & gobble "i love veges" ... i so cannot believe this !!!! ( r they like gonna paint him green and rename him vege monster in order to get the kiddies to appreciate their greens? or change "sesame" street to "pea" street? noo....sobs sobs...)

bugged !

yeah! finally, i got some peaceful rest... no more bugs for now ! Come to think of it, being bugged actually served as a delightful snack for me ! well, by humans, not insects.

i supposed everyone would have their own unique blend of friendship lingo... by far being bugged speak the most to me ! i once had a long 'discussion' concerning what quantifies a good friend with a friend... to find out that this lingo can be so varied... Wmi prefers friends to hang-out with him on weekends, and give him space to do what he likes over the weekdays while i kinda like phone calls and smses in between to fill up the space... a contrast between low-maintenance vs high-maintenance friend ?

tracking back my roots to the way i define my friendship style as thus -

coming fr a small family and sticking on to my bro when i was much younger ( like how Mary's little lamb go wherever she goes ) is one good reason why i'm such sticker... ( as he grew older, having a lil sister tag along him becomes like a nag. but now Nat's the tag. [=p both ways oso ler] )....

my early social life was characterised by 3 buddies ! Ah boy was my playmate ! we met in the field every evening. ( but i think i make him cried alot by calling him silly names ! ), Gxin was my churchmate & Jin's my kindymate... ( Jin & I would gang-on to perform notty deeds on every kindy-days, like bullying Dan. <--Pity him! good thing those stories never got to mom... she tought i was an angel !)...

oh yes, mom's accountability lingo ! Some families value freedom and trust ( like kids can go out whenever they like without reporting & their parents trust that they be in fine hands? ) but for me, i've to keep mom informed about my whearabouts...Well, i think i kinda like being kept in a secured-tight situation... thx to mom's protectiveness. On the other hand, i remember being closed to dad while i was kid ( like he used to pick me up after kindergraden and buy me whatever junky i pick fr the groceries... drew pictures & caught grasshoppers for my fasination ( that explain my love for bugs ?! except bed bugs) But somehow age drew the gap...maybe that's why i chill out with too much space ? can't read too well into silence. ( i wonder whether that's a self-fulfilling prophecy ? i kinda take silence as avoidance... )

So there! i've to make extra effort for group friends ( easy to ffk too!), unless one of my buddy's there... (but i guess like all langguage, it can be learned. i gotta master this langguage esp during scrace times)...writing this makes me miss S'na n Vln so much ! Used to call S'na up and rant on the phone every other day about any other thing ( why does she has to go johor ? sigh*)... n the nice sunny texts fr Vln every other day (no wonder he's so fast taken... too bad *bleuk*).

attack of the bugs

Browny bloody bed bug climbing up the bed
Down came the sun and heat the bed bug dead
Out came the night and cool down all the flame
Now browny bloody bed bug went up the bed again!*

bug alert !!! my priceless sleep has been intruded by bed bugs for 2 nights. They chased me out fr my comfy bed to the narrow couch downstairs...this morning my bro and i spinned and sun my bed sheets, blankets, pillows and mattress... hopefully they're gone now. i just lysolised my bed frame though !

here's some interesting facts about these tiny annoy-y creatures :

1. Bed bugs are small, brownish, flattened insects that feed solely on the blood of animals. ( Cimex lectularius is our (human) common threat.)
2. Bed bugs are mostly active at night. During the daytime, they prefer to hide close to where people sleep ( they are drawn to wood and fabric. check cracks & junctions at bed frames, or skirts, turfs, crevices of sofas/mattress. )
3. The level of cleanliness has little to do with most bed bug infestations. Pristine homes, hotels, and apartments have plenty of hiding places and an abundance of warm-blooded hosts. ( my room's crystal clean ok! )
4. Ways to get ride of bed bugs - adjust room temperature to be > 49C, or <0C for 2 weeks. ( how about putting my bedsheets in the oven or freezer ?), vacuuming, or use aerosols, DDT...**

00000...Are there any alternatives to get rid of em' ? i'm so deprived of sleep... =(

* adapted fr incy wincy spider... but bit senseless la... **http://www.uky.edu/Agriculture/Entomology/entfacts/struct/ef636.htm

a bud!

woo hoo!
i, biscuit of Granny Grumps TM completed 10km without stopping !!! i've made a new personal record ! ( i rolled all the way, nopes, didn't crumple off )
*pat pat pat*

So what's the cause for celebration?
Well, this new record blotch a new chapter in my life... There's this "doom & gloom" ambience that cloud over me after i reached 2 decades...and just when i thought yesterday's achievements were the only crowns for today's pride ( like i used to be able to play the piano for hours, i used to be able to read a dozen of books in one month, i used to...etc )... and suddenly this surprise totally defile my expectation of 'self' and 'life' like a new bud popping fr an old hollow branch. in fact my last record was 3km short of this...

that just proves that there's more in us, or even life than we allow "it" to be... and i shouldn't go around setting limitations to what i or others can accomplish...

Eugene Peterson in "Run with the Horses" said that as a child, we grew up dreaming to become superheroes of the day, but when we're grown ups, we feed on the adventures of our heros and choosing a mundane life to become ours.

"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?" -Jer 12:5

"Jesus did not die on the cross so that u can have a miserable life" - JM

A hope so sure

" there's more in you than you believe" ~KCheng.

I have no idea what got into me to sign up for the SJ 10km run together with some of my high school friends. I've only a week left to train... surprisingly my legs could carry me far more than i expected! though i still have YET to cover all that distance. Still, i'm glad i spurred myself to complete what i set !

i find running therapeutic in some ways ( though bro thinks that's a crazy thot)... sort of gets me shut off fr the voices around me ( esp after i've drained off every ounce of fuel) ...or to feel the freedom of a roaming mare... keke

Here's a song that revisited me while i was in stm, Seremban.

There is a hope so sure
a promise so secure
the mystery of God
at last made known
treasures so vast appear
all wisdom, knowledge here
it's christ in us
the hope of glory

*And the life that i now live
no longer is my own
Jesus lives in me
the hope of glory
and each day i live
no longer is my own
Jesus lives in me
the hope of glory

there is a life so true
a life of love so pure
for all our sin
a perfect sacrifice
and when that life was nailed
on cruel cross impaled
our sinful flesh
with him was crucified

there is a life so strong
that a whole world of wrong
and all the powers of hell
could not defeat
for Jesus rose again
and if we died with him
with him we'll rise
to share his endless life.
~ graham kendrick

...all else left is tears of hope? sometimes i wix i could just explain why i did some things, or just untie myself away fr my past, my fears...but i know not how... yea i'm glad for finding assurance in Him...to know that his ressurection brings forth seeds of hope.