blue banded bee

this blue bee visited my garden some days ago...

It's quite tiny, you can easily dismiss it as a fly. I took a second look after its loud buzzling and hovering. It seemed to be attracted to white flowers and traveled at a fixed poligonal route over and over again; hence allowing me time to grab my camera. I can't crop the pix too much or else i might loose the resolution.

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Find out more about the blue gem here*, and what's going on in my mind here. Ok, maybe this one's a little more within reach.

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*i owe it to a friend who confirmed the bee as a bee to me

two people

2 interesting people I met today who made their entry here...

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A Lun Bawang girl. Ms W whose name led me to imagine her as a punjabi guy. We were corresponding through the mail and one day we decided to meet up. Erm, for work purposes :p I had no hint about her gender and was surprised when a girl with his number called. I thought maybe he has high pitch voice. Anyways, Ms W works with UNHCR, dealing with refugees in M'sia. Few things I found about her organization :

...is not recognised in M'sia because we did not sign the partnership with them
...refugees and immigrants are different...her org is working hard to convince our authorities so
...Myanmar people flee their country due to petty reasons which my friend can't believe it actually can exist:
1. a minority tribe born in a obscure village who were not issued IDs. So Ko went to the city to get an ID card. Met a road block. Soldiers checked for ID. Don't have. Sent to jail.
2. Being a preaching Christian. Why? suspected for spreading propaganda. Jail

Btw, in Myanmar you need $ to bribe yourself out of prison. You need $ to get an ID. Isit anyhow better for them here?

...police raid them. Sometime the parents are seperated from their children. Kids were left as orphans while their parents go to jail.
... there's no point sending clothes to them while they're in prison. the blue uniform people will just confiscate them away (some places).

Ms W's spoke english excellently. I was amazed (ok, my prejudice). But I guess coz her parents were degree holders who built their homes here upon graduation. Her background's worth noting :

...Drunk before Dawn, a musical play was dedicated to her tribe.
...they were hopeless drunkards. Even raja Brooke gave up on them
...until some Australian Missionaries came and brought them the gospel
...now they're saved and happy

I was taking a walk at 8pm at the park. An old man in pajamas approached me, " It's so dark now and you're walking alone?" (loudly in cantonese) "yea, some hobby I have uncle." (No I didn't say that). Ah gong's concerned for the community dumbfolded me. While most grandpas would be watching t.v or grandchildren at home, this man has spoken to our residence representative.

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He shared some suggestions to me on how to increase the safety of our neighbourhood. "they should chop off half the height of the tree and put more fire to light up the streets". He knew how many guards we employed by day and night. He got the latest broke-in news and even interrogated the guards about the incident. Gong gong who comes from Klang and is here just for family visitation even recommended that we bekerjasama to request for more street lights. "election coming, sure they give one." He even tipped me about seizing this saturday's state assembly man visit (family day) to voice out our wants. "unfortunately I can't make it due to urgent matters, or else i would have spoken to him..."

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Meanwhile i brought a 2nd hand watercolor guide in Pay Less Books which is > expensive than a brand new in Amazon. They should change their name to Pay More Books.

helpless

well, been thru lots of ups and downs lately regarding my graduate studies.

First i got the courses.
But no money
Then there was the scholarship
next the dean wants me to change course
laters the funding from kementerian (KPT) for my host campus has reached its quota this year
Coz my host campus award more places than the budget allocated
afterwards i heard that kementerian would preferably award PhD candidates
but my dean asked me to apply for masters
suddenly the dean got transfer (hence he can't fight for my case)
then i got an offer from a uni in Oz
we thought perhaps it's cheaper
it cost AUD 13+ k per sem for tuition fees alone
unexpectedly my dad just got news that he was accepted to china to study for a year or two
so the burden is on mom now (not sure if i like seeing her suffer)
hence i am Stuck here. sob sobs.

Worst thing is I am also quite lost about what I really want for my career. "Life is difficult" anounced by Scott Peck in the first line and first chapter of the Road less Traveled. His solution was for us to accept this truth. Because once we agree with it we will moan less about our problems as if life ought to be easy.

come play with fire

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Happy Merdeka Malaysia !

are we truly liberated ?

s

hs

pics taken from malaysia international fireworks competition, 30th of Aug. First time using bulb (i didn't even know where that function lied. was a friend that discover it). Shots were mostly exposed about 1.2 - 5 secs.

august in pockets

kid : teacher, just now I saw that boy with green tennis ball tag going there ? (to rephrase : why he can go, why i cannot?)

As a helper (half day) at my fren's VBS last weekend, I was in charge of the pre-schoolers (hence kindies = green tennis ball group). A little boy was envious of the commotion going on at the hall (where the big kids are) while his group was placed in the pantry. A few might have crawled their way there, but he got unlucky. I stopped him.

His question is the echo of my life now. sadly.

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Meanwhile, I hope the kids won't recite my name to their parents. One boy dipped his nose on the ice-cream. Another asked for a tatoo (inky-stamps) on his butt. I might have a part. ;p

Taiping is painted wit beauty. See nature and history composed in a single frame, sense the languorness of the townfolks and carefree showers. (it rain so much, people bet on the time the rain arrives, so said MD).

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Unfortunately, i hardly have time to experience taiping. Was stucked in a hotel for a nationality course. (will write more on this laters). My kind friend EN smuggled some clothes (i only found out about dress-codes when I arrived. blame the admin. White and black. covered.) and food for me.

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I almost ended taking a bus in the middle of a estate to hunt for a ghost hotel. thx to the admin again. I am so indebted to EN and Mr Taiping (he's so proud of his hometown) for locating my camp-site.

Road to the lake

In EN's car. Didn't have much time to walk around. She curi her office time for me :P

Taiping War memorial

to the brave soldiers who fought for us during WW2

A bell tower

St Louis church

many victorian style buildings there

for now

Feeling a little stranded...

seeing so much of frailness than strength...

wishing for some sun beams to shine through...

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*sighs*

full of petals

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red

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petals full
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mourning

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pleasant
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Crysanthemums. It's just amazing how it comes with many variants - from dainty daisy-like to pompous pompons. I usually brush them under 'pai ang kong' flowers or as a herb for drink. That is until I received a bouquet from Sunday Skol. After staring long at it, i decided that it's pretty. Here's some taken with my old nikon 5100, compact (with some touch-up in photoshop).

xien xhang jin tian

The beginnings of each day traces its tune from yesterdays shadow. I couldn't smile on Monday. three unhappy events visited me.

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The first visit came in the middle of my sleep. A scream from my tummy. 3 times I bombed the toilet. I was so lethargic the next morning that I went late to work. It didn't help to put a smile on my face when special jungle-iban-style food was served during lunch at office. No, i had porridge. Which I spilled half of it while driving to work btw.

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My 2nd visitor came through a phone call to usm. I called in to check on my scholarship status; the clerk (which I have chased for a few months) gave me another story. I almost cried. Actually i did. A tear or two. But my colleagues aren't around to witness (they were having staff training which contract workers like me don't share the priviledge of attending;p), so i can write whatever i like here.

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Just when I thought the gods had enough of mocking me, another another visitor came in the evening. The atm refused to spit out my money. I keyed in the amount, got the bank slip and card returned but no cash came out. This was at shell in persiaran tujuan. Funny thing was the station attender said banyak-pun ini berlaku. What th?

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But of cause we can let our unhappy visitors punch us into into its mold (which i did. I read 3/4 of my 200 page camera operating manual just to hold my mind) or allow some sunshine to slip through. Some happy things that I can smile at:

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today I vacuumed oasis (youth centre in subang). I feel so proud of myself for doing something uninstructed. (I have to confess that i seldom volunteer for housework though). The funny thing was i accidently sucked a boy's sock inside the vacuum cleaner. The poor owner tried very hard to get it back. In the end he decided to let it rest inside the machine when he saw it buried in dust. It was the joke of the day at oasis! hehe. I even had the cheek to ask why he threw away the other side. (actually, it wasn't an accident. I thought of cleaning his socks that was found lying at the carpet. Didn't know that the vacuum cleaner would eat it up. ophs)

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I got my first dSLR ! that is after 7 hours of camera shopping from pudu plaza to law yat on sat. Well, my colleague helped me decide. Otherwise i would have gone home camera-less and decided-less (as usual). I have started toying with it's 11 AF-points (do we need that many/?), shutter speed and aperture... looking ahead to collect my tamron bag, external flash and a close-up lens (later's a gift. yay!). Macro shots are my favourite... I came across Clive Nichols (renowned garden photographer) on a magazine during lunch just now.

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this purple flower blooms at sunrise and fades in the evening

the title written in chinese pinyin means 'sacrificing today'. It's taken from the lyric of a chinese song. The piece is about dedicating each day for God and crucifying our lifes at the cross with Him. I can't crawl out of bed this morning. But this song shone some eternal perspective on me.

infatuation

the deep dark hours of night...

the moon shines its face on thieves on the garden wall

Tom the squally cat strolls fancifully on your car

Oscar Owl stares into your room and hoot

and mr mole is burrowing under your flower bed..

Strucked by cupid's arrow, my sudden infatuation with childhood stories sent me digging through the book chest to hunt for this book (ecstatic to have find it !!!)... its illustrations and poems so stirred my imaginations and now decades later my memory awakes...

see what creatures are digging below or hiding above (image below). I used to shut my curtains tightly before i sleep in case a tarsier might stare at me;p Strangely, some of the things i dot on as a child which was buried for long began to sprout in recent years:

drawing - fascination with the obscure creatures (usually living above or under ground) - love of cuddly soft-toys - play - cartoons (jojo's circus and strawberry short-cake is so colorful. my eye's so attracted by it la; winne the pooh, rugrats and sesame street has got great character development; won't go for cartoons with one hero or which i can't tell the characters personality apart)...

* image above: bed time story by ladybird; image below: my favorite bedtime stories by optimum books, 1982.

gender equality or inequality?

Do women yap more than men?

We're all familiar with fact that women speak an average of few thousand words a day, while man can survive with just a few hundred morphemes. A new study found both sexes to be not very different after all when it comes to word length.

Using EAR (electronically activated recorder) which samples 30 secs of ambient noise every 12.5 mins on ~400 students, the results on both genders were even on daily averages: women at 16,215 words and men at 15,669.

So there, guys - u can talk one!! hah ! & you can't use your genetic make-over as an excuse for your silence or absence too. nya-har ! However the other myth of women being more 'pak gua' than man still can't be dispelled ;p

*winks*

While Beauty and the Beast is culturally accepted, Witchy and the Hunk might not seem as tempting? Can you even imagine yourself lining up at the cinema for this title? (ya, maybe in horror movies, so suggested a friend). Plus, i realize movies nowadays are shifting from Pierce Brosnan with muscles and charms to average Joe with a hot chick on a mission. (i.e Austin Powers, Transformers). Maybe the producers are making certain sensations more achievable to Joey (whose eyes are heavily glued to the idiot box with a packet of chips)... however, certain expectations on girls are still unchanged.

How unfair hur?

Well, just some quirks for the day la :)

July Blues

the amazing chinese stomach

chinese #1 : Hey look, what's this mysterious thingy? (poke poke)
chinese #2 : bu zhi dao (shakes head)... Let's make soup out of it! maybe it'll cure ah ma fr her illness.

"Villagers in central China dug up a ton of dinasaur bones and boiled them in soup or ground them into powder for traditional medicine, believing they were from flying dragons and had healing powers." (excerpted from today's The Star, w44)

dad told me that our yellow skin friends turned bones inscripted with ancient chinese text (jia gu wen) into medicine as well.

Humored? how about shark fins, porcupine hair, turtle tails? they're just few doors away in our local chinese pharmacies.

July July

July is mad.

* applications and more applications to go.

* one assignment.

* another english proficiency test to sit for. (my toefl expires next month, so gota retake it again. i find the 2 years shelve-span rather amusing. as if my english level's gonna drop after 24 months.)

* decisions, decisions... should i get married or not ? should i secure a place to study locally first (in case the overseas thingy tak jadi) or continue work...(my boss says "just trust God". maybe i tat's all i need. btw, was kiddin' on the first query)

July July

My parents

Meanwhile, pa & ma are getting more concerned over my safety esp whem i'm out at night. I'm not. Coz i hardly read newspapers. but i can't help it if they do & start imagining things...here's em':

* mom called at 10:50pm last sat when i was out to check on me. Last time it was b4 12am. (says she can't sleep if i'm driving alone. well, one of our neighborhood security guard trespassed a maid, so i guess she lost faith in em')

* So dad offered to chauffeur me for night meetings or outings. (oh no... wic filial daughter will ask their retiring parents to ferry them around? i'd rather stay at home)

I'm gonna be like Rapunzel after certain hour. Can only let down my hair to communicate to the rest of the world ;p Or will think of some win-win solution.

July July

Spain & Rome -music

Joseph Colom was flawless with his fingers last sun. I couldn't tell whether he was on the harp or piano. Well, I was hopping for someone younger with more passion on the spanish piece. But Nights in the Gardens of Spain by Falla was scenically beautiful.

* Dorian Wilson's conducting of Respighi & Falla sounds ting-ling-ly enchanting. lots of fairy sparkles.

* btw, I sat on row N (the premium row, smack right in the middle with plenty of leg space) with a student rate. (can still fake thru as a student ;p).

* i just realize while i'm not a fan of romance (you can count the love novels i've read with one hand. they're not mine anyways), i love art & stories that sends you to a far-away land. :)

world of impressionist

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Water Lilies (1914-17) ______Red Boats, Argenteuil (1875)

A friend brought me a set of Monet's in calender on my b'day. 5 yrs ago...

The impressionist so received their signature style from a critic who taunted Monet's "Impression: Sunrise" that wallpapers looked more finished than this piece and called the entire french painters display as the exhibition of the impressionists.

I love the impressionist. there's something about their art that's subtly evocative and formlessly beautiful. it's not about the cathedral they paint, but the dusky grotesque mist, it's not about the pagodas they're composing, but lights shimmering through the pagodas roof, and sounds of gongs ringing thru'...

Am currently listening to Ravel's Ma mere l'Oyre (Mother Goose), the orchestral version. It was originally a set of piano duet written for two children. I am particularly intrigued by "Little Ugly Girl, Empress of the Pagodas"- love the chinese temple ambience with some cute melody lines ringing thru'. "The Fairy Garden" is enchanting yet inviting.

Well, entering the impressionist world helps me to get away from myself (and others ;p) for a while...meanwhile, am anticipating spanish music at the end of the week... my last ticket for my own concert spree

thanksgiving

Well,

Flying to KB laters. My flight has been delayed. Amidst my anxiety and worries (like two ol' couples that's always accompanying me), God's GRACE shone brighter..

I was worried about transportation and logistic in Kelantan. (this time i dont' feel as brave as i was in penang. The thought of waiting for ghost buses freaked me). The hostel manager which i arranged to stay in haven't replied me, what more on Saturday - hello, who's working? (their Sat is our Sun). But last min (as usual, my fault) my mom called uncle S (our church's tour agent)for SOS - he arranged for a house, transport and a family (his relatives) for me.

yay !!

Am also thankful for the Yong sisters for taking me under their care in Ipoh. I sampled some of the best food there-hakka mee, fried noodles, bean sprouts... Anyways, i went there to watch a speech therapist at work. I am so touched by EN's dedication and passion for the children under her care... think i was more 'woa-ed' by her than imagining myself in her shoe.

Next...

the feelings of incompetency is overwhelming me again. i duno why. i don't feel this way as a student. one short mistake (or due to miscommunication) sends me nuts. i feel that i'm constantly 'short of...'

Maybe

I need to put God's goodness as the foundation which I stand. Perhaps I have relied too much on own my own effort. Perhaps I need to adjust to the non-textbook environment and realize that life is beyond the grasp of my palms. It follows no words.

There is no king saved by the multitude of a host,
a mighty man is not delivered by much strength.
A horse is a vain thing for safety,
neither shall he deliver any by his great strength.
Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear him,
upon them that hope in his mercy;
to deliver their soul from death,
and to keep them alive in famine.
Our soul waiteth for the LORD:
he is our help and our shield.

psalms 33 : 16-20

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Here's a psalm written by a nation surrounded by 2 great forces. Their identity they derived from being God's children.

lil things

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Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,

Were every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade,

To write the love of God above,

Would drain the ocean dry.

Nor could the scroll contain the whole,

Though stretched from sky to sky.

The Love of God, written by Frederick Lehman. This stanza was taken from a poem scribbled on the wall of a Jewish patient commited to mental asylum.* it's amazing how God's love reaches the most imaginable and unloved.

Twice I sang this song during prayer meeting in my office. I was captured by the beautiful lyrics used to describe God's love. And i wonder...

How we love God...doing the typical churchy stuffs - church on sunday, daily devotion and leaving some bits for ministry. Such lines describing God's charity goes beyond our will or mind. u can't just pen it by choice. it has to flow out of the heart... a heart soaked with a deep flavor of god's goodness...

And i asked how can i experience such love? I know that He loves me, but the concerns of life choke my heart from hearing...

then i remembered the sunflowers i drew... layers upon layers of marigold yellows cupped by layers by layers of grass green calyx, and i thought, "there's alot of fine attention just to create it?" and my heart spoke, "God is into the details of my life ain't it?" every day and every strand of my hair has been counted by his love...

and i slept embracing that love. Like how a kid would hug his new precious toy-car in bed, not letting it go, consumed by thoughts of how he'll like to play with his toy tmr... a new found excitement...

my maker is concern about the lil things of me...

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*to be exact, he re-painted this poem from a centuries old Jewish poem called "Hadamut," written in 1096 by Rabbi Mayer, son of a cantor in the city of Worms, Germany. click

captain ball

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the author decided to remove the post coz she felt tat others mite not like to be written about. but ya, she jst wanna say she had fun on the field on sunday with a bunch of great ppl. :)

stray

i felt strayed in penang this round...
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houses around komtar

odd ones

old old houses

lonely wait

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My last trip was exciting. But this time i felt so paria without a car and direction. Like a stray girl wondering around in a foreign town. I'd to blinked at taxis or negotiate with kereta sapu & prayed for buses. Either alternatives has it's own risks. Bus mite not come, kereta sapu mite leave, taxi drivers will rob u (by your permission).

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Take going to Queensbay mall for instance, from USM, i took a bus to bkt jambi. Didn't feel i fit in there, so i took another bus to Queensbay mall. (actually, i din know where i wanted to go, simply popped a name- wherever the bus would take me. On few occassions, i even asked the bus driver to tolong beri tau saya bila sampai). So ya, imagined being dropped off at a free way. Crossed 7 car lanes to Queensbay. (Any sane mummy would forbid their kid so).

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There weren't any public bus service at Queensbay. Save ludicrous taxis again. (Rm 25 were the starting rate, even if your destination is 7-15 mins away). No kereta sapu this time. So i actually walked a few miles down to sg nibung bas terminal. thx God the bus came. I got off at jelutong (bus-stop at pic above) where my host picked me up.

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some jottings over the week :

- dropped a pencil inside my piano keys.

- my car got splattered with paint. thx god for my colleagues who fought for me. i was in freeze mode. thx god the paint was water base.
- komtar's like dead. however i'd feast of the eye. saw an old chinese couple holding hands there, a madman flinging some junks at pedestrians, trishaws, tourists...

- in both of my flights, i got the whole row reserved jst for myself. (plane's rather empty)

- penangites are mostly helpful when i asked for directions. Busy shopowners, counter girls, bussengers...

- it's good to have friends. I made one in my taklimat over USM. She came from a mixed parentage of malay & chinese. Was very curious about my religion. She's got some cousins who are christians.

- when i was waiting, like waiting, really waiting for bus (if there's any?), i half wished i'd be kidnapped home. now i'm starting to appreciate certain dark green cab, even though i din call for it. ;p

- i'm asking myself if time = pennies, how wd i invest it in? i gota be intentional about the things i'd wan to do. otherwise, i'll be jst trailing along... i guess i'd like to blame the uncertainties...but i can't.

- i'm tired of keeping the frills. kinda like things simple.

- a man of the northern thai hill tribe needed 1000 baht to send his son to school. he din have the money. So he prayed. Just b4 registration, he caught 2 big fishes at a lake, weighing about 7kg which he sold at 500 baht each. I saw the fish pic ! taken by my host who's active in missions among the thai bei hill tribes.

weirdings

Ok, so i was tagged by hl to write on my weirdings :

6 weirdings by el'z :

1. the right upper half of my sensory-motor nerves are neglected.
i chew on the left jaw. watch with my left eye. hand the phone over to my left ear. misses most of my right shots. yet i'm RH. most of the time i'm just confused between the two.

2. i can't make up my mind about what to eat.
it came to the point that food suddenly appeared on my table without me ordering it - ppl just order them for me instead. hope that indecisiveness doesn't extend to other areas. u know, like julia roberts in runaway bride? ;p

3. i'm usually the last kid on the block to notice who's with who.
like, one yr later... i was also named miss blur no.1. read here.

4. i love the smell of tobacco
i've got tobacco flavored perfume and some tobacco ashes on my bag to make me feel refresh

5. I sleep and wake up in stages... i work in momentum
u can catch me in pig mode or workoholic mode at diff season in life.

6. when i feel stressed out, i'll start to scribble nonsense over my wall
so that's why nobody's allowed in my room. too much abstract art. oh oo..

Well, that's me for now. but i'm sure the list is longer...since what's normal to me mite be off for them. btw, 4 & 6 are false. any other weird stuffs commited by me ??

once upon penang

life is about remembering and forgetting...

f komtar*

fffe

Returning to the place that bore me at the very hour where I was deciding for my future was prophetic. See, this is my first time touring alone - to my birth place - for interview to go away. It was like freeing myself from the umbilical cord. most ppl took their pilgrimage way earlier thgh... :)

Penang hill
After my interview, I took the cable car to the peak. Wanted to hike up, but someone warned me earlier that i was a girl. Penang was lovely from top. I could see the long stretch of Penang bridge. The neighbouring land didn't look that far. Think the island grew. I am glad to see a few lumps of unstripped hills though the land were laid with brown roofs. And tall rectangles (hotels, apartments) sheltered the beach side.

Walked to Methodist centre. It's about 700-800m away from the tourist spot. After trotting 50ms on a lonely path dotted with butterflies (they have intricate batik printed wings. I think the government painted em' to attract tourist), mom called. Go back said her. So ended my solo journey.

cable car in Penang Hills back in 80s fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

swinging myself at methodist centre. (recall the prev post with me on swing? i started young ;p)

Ayer itam
The taxi's price is nonsense at Penang hill. So walked me to ayer item town instead. With a partial map & hp as my assistants, I headed towards the intimidating Kek Lok Si temple, wanted to sample food at the famous market here. But halfway through (bit lost also), I spotted a few busses and hopped in quickly (the bus would wait till it's full before they move). "To Komtar I go" said I. Suddenly my host called and hijacked my trip. Home I went.

Why do all the caring people have to destroy my adventure? I stayed with an old couple who pastored my family church in penang. They're nice.

Batu Ferringgi
Next day I took kereta sapu (rm 5) to komtar. Was I to ask for bus-stands, the Penangites would suggest that I walk instead. (komtar = puduraya; most bus-stop seldom work thgh). From there I traveled on to Batu Ferringgi. Penang is... Hong Kong-style flats, Old straits-like terrace houses with wooden silted windows, british colonial mansions, suave hotels & condos... a medley of architectures & culture squeezed in an island. You’ll also find churches, temples, idols –at every nook and crook of the street.

It was 2 in the afternoon when I hit Golden Sands. A stretch of white flour, ang mos & water sports sellers I descried. The beach was too sunny for a sight and the sand too hot for a stroll. Met up with a friend there. (Well, one good reason for joining i-bridge ;p). We trashed into Rasa Sayang. Btw, the rates start with 4 digits. The security guards could tell that we were non-guests. Rights... Laters, we went on a eating spree & i'd a free tour around Penang.

cendol, laksa, oo-jian, lok-lok, kuey teow teng, wan tan mee, prawn mee, otak-otak, apung --> went into my stomach at penang.

birth of the maestros (or so my parents tot).

ffffff lil' big bro @ botanical gardens
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p.s - dad took the camera. No photos :( took the komtar pic fr a postcard n edited it in photoshop p.p.s - You can board star shuttle fr sbg parade straight to lcct. It's only rm 9 !! p.p.s - tmnet finally mended my slow connection probs. after 3 calls... blogspot kept eating my paragaphs and pics ! technologies. i love and loathe thee.

garden on fences

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rows of sunflower

pink roses

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Some of the flowers that we hanged on the fence. They greet me when i enter the gate. But nowadays i see them when they're asleep. Don't know what's their name. So I labeled them according to the common flowers ;p I spent quite alot of time shooting my garden during my final yr - jobless period. Oh boy will i miss this sight... if i go.

mid april

the wry'ly part of my life now is that here i am scouting for resources to pursue my studies, at work, i am searching for avenues for my company too...

i feel trapped in both situation. Duno is an cheap answer so says a friend. how how..

meanwhile, i just started a site for my art. some sprinkles in life to make me happy.