Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Anger Management

"When emotions pulsates, the mind becomes deceited, conscience is denied it's normal standard of judgement" ~ Watchman Nee


I feel pretty,
Oh so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and gay,
And I pity any girl who isnt me today,

Lalalalalalalala

I feel charming,
Oh so charming,
It's alarming how charming i feel,
And so pretty that I hardly believe im real,

lalalalalalala,

See that pretty girl in that mirror there ( what mirror where )
Who can that attractive girl be ( which one where hum )
What a pretty face ( Hum )
What a pretty dress ( Hum )
What a pretty smile ( Hum )
What a pretty meeee( Hummm )

I feel stunning ( feel stunning)
And entrancing ( and entrancing )
Feel like running and dancing for joy
for im loved by a pretty wonderful boy!

~ Adam Sandler “I Feel Pretty” (Anger Managment)


Had a good grab on this book which i found lying right on top of the library table...So far the best description of anger i'd coin is "what we feel when our expectations or needs are unmet". U see, most of the time ppl do not intentionally hurt us ( unless u start singing that song above ) but it's just they don't anticipate our expectations...

The benchmark :
Ourselves :
-
physical endurance
- intellectual & task pursuit ( i have to score A for this paper - even though u only studied last min )
- social behavior ( i sounded stupid jst now...must u be smart and brilliant all the time?)

others :
- manners and social etiquette ( why did he wear slippers to our date? ),
- affirmation and intimacy ( don't feel loved or attended the way u wish ),
- equity and Fairness ( i called u twice, how come u never return e favour?),
- intrusion and annoyance ( giggling and screaming while i'm doing homework is rude
)

I guess the trick is to realise ppl jst don't live according to our borders and lines, and allow others the benefit of doubt? Joyce Meyer said that after many years into your marriage, when all the mushy feelings are gone, u've just got to believe that your spouse love u ( even though u may not feel like ). it all takes faith hur? haha

While we tend to associate anger with thunder and lightning, but there are many faces of anger...
Behind the Mask :
- Passive-agrression : withholds affection or intimacy. May "forgot" or fail to follow through commitments. Engages in actions known to upset the other person. chronic lateness?
- Sarcasm : Makes sarcastic or cutting remarks about others. Uses tone or manners that convey disapproval or disgust. Reveals embarassing moments of offender to stir humiliation fr others
- Cold anger : Prolong withdrawal. Avoids intimacy and refuses to reveal what is bothering. refrain emotion discussion when angry.
- Hostility : Express inner intensity. Acts time-impatient. Shows signs of frustration with others who don't aren't quick enough or fail to perform according to expectations.
- Aggression : Verbally loud or abusive. Curses and blames. Harbour thoughts of hurting others and may act on others physically.

What fuels up the spark could be due to our negative self-talks too...here are few examples :

Distorted self-talk :
- Personalizing : you feel personally attacked. you believe another person's intentions or statement are directed towards you without considering other possibilities.
- Catastrophizing : you awfulize the situation...well beyond the facts.
- Forecasting : you predict it will turn out badly... leaving other possible outcomes.
- Polarized thinking : you focus on the extreme ( evil/ good, Sucess/failure) You think in overgeneralize terms ( never, always, every )
- Mind reading : you assume you know how others think or feel... without even asking.
- Labeling : You use labels to describe a person or situation. ( eventually u think of them the way u tag them )
- Filtering : you focus on the worst thing that turn out without examinig the neutral or positive events.
- Thresholding : You set arbitrary limit to what you can stand/tolerate. You feel justified to be more intense or punitive when others 'cross' it.
- Blueprinting : you plot out revenge in your mind.


pant, pant* i better stop here... gtg study for 2 papers to come. Go check up " taking Charge of Anger" by Robert Nay if ur keen. It cost about Rm 140 though... wonder whether to photostate or...ophs

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