Anger Management

"When emotions pulsates, the mind becomes deceited, conscience is denied it's normal standard of judgement" ~ Watchman Nee


I feel pretty,
Oh so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and gay,
And I pity any girl who isnt me today,

Lalalalalalalala

I feel charming,
Oh so charming,
It's alarming how charming i feel,
And so pretty that I hardly believe im real,

lalalalalalala,

See that pretty girl in that mirror there ( what mirror where )
Who can that attractive girl be ( which one where hum )
What a pretty face ( Hum )
What a pretty dress ( Hum )
What a pretty smile ( Hum )
What a pretty meeee( Hummm )

I feel stunning ( feel stunning)
And entrancing ( and entrancing )
Feel like running and dancing for joy
for im loved by a pretty wonderful boy!
~ Adam Sandler “I Feel Pretty” (Anger Managment)


Had a good grab on this book which i found lying right on top of the library table...So far the best description of anger i'd coin is "what we feel when our expectations or needs are unmet". U see, most of the time ppl do not intentionally hurt us ( unless u start singing that song above ) but it's just they don't anticipate our expectations...

The benchmark :
Ourselves :
- physical endurance
- intellectual & task pursuit ( i have to score A for this paper - even though u only studied last min )
- social behavior ( i sounded stupid jst now...must u be smart and brilliant all the time?)

others :
- manners and social etiquette ( why did he wear slippers to our date? ),
- affirmation and intimacy ( don't feel loved or attended the way u wish ),
- equity and Fairness ( i called u twice, how come u never return e favour?),
- intrusion and annoyance ( giggling and screaming while i'm doing homework is rude )

I guess the trick is to realise ppl jst don't live according to our borders and lines, and allow others the benefit of doubt? Joyce Meyer said that after many years into your marriage, when all the mushy feelings are gone, u've just got to believe that your spouse love u ( even though u may not feel like ). it all takes faith hur? haha

While we tend to associate anger with thunder and lightning, but there are many faces of anger...
Behind the Mask :
- Passive-agrression : withholds affection or intimacy. May "forgot" or fail to follow through commitments. Engages in actions known to upset the other person. chronic lateness?
- Sarcasm : Makes sarcastic or cutting remarks about others. Uses tone or manners that convey disapproval or disgust. Reveals embarassing moments of offender to stir humiliation fr others
- Cold anger : Prolong withdrawal. Avoids intimacy and refuses to reveal what is bothering. refrain emotion discussion when angry.
- Hostility : Express inner intensity. Acts time-impatient. Shows signs of frustration with others who don't aren't quick enough or fail to perform according to expectations.
- Aggression : Verbally loud or abusive. Curses and blames. Harbour thoughts of hurting others and may act on others physically.

What fuels up the spark could be due to our negative self-talks too...here are few examples :

Distorted self-talk :
- Personalizing : you feel personally attacked. you believe another person's intentions or statement are directed towards you without considering other possibilities.
- Catastrophizing : you awfulize the situation...well beyond the facts.
- Forecasting : you predict it will turn out badly... leaving other possible outcomes.
- Polarized thinking : you focus on the extreme ( evil/ good, Sucess/failure) You think in overgeneralize terms ( never, always, every )
- Mind reading : you assume you know how others think or feel... without even asking.
- Labeling : You use labels to describe a person or situation. ( eventually u think of them the way u tag them )
- Filtering : you focus on the worst thing that turn out without examinig the neutral or positive events.
- Thresholding : You set arbitrary limit to what you can stand/tolerate. You feel justified to be more intense or punitive when others 'cross' it.
- Blueprinting : you plot out revenge in your mind.


pant, pant* i better stop here... gtg study for 2 papers to come. Go check up " taking Charge of Anger" by Robert Nay if ur keen. It cost about Rm 140 though... wonder whether to photostate or...ophs

Musings

i feel so sad i forgot to bring back the calender my aunt gave to mom in Kedah. It had nice batik prints on it... and i recalled mom reminding me twice there... wasn't so much of the calender, but seeing how often i conveniently not remember my family's request... somehow...

My family went over to our previous neighbour's open house in bkt jelutong. It's such a nice cosy spacious bangalow - stone walkway lining the streets at both sides, the wooden nusantara fish pond, music room ( i dream. if only i've one, i make sure i practice everyday :) ), t.v. room, the feel of solid timber flooring, ( i fell in love with ) the study room above - which has a little balcony overseeing the garden below ( designed to unwind? ), and the ample space for the greens to roam... if onlee...
mom's gonna extend the house... and i be glad for the extra S P A C E for my room. I wonder how it be like sharing room with others...somehow i'll imagine locking myself inside the bathroom along with some books just to secure that 3 dimension with myself...
Anyways, gonna miss the two cheeky lil kids. Ed used to jump over our fence n Hzl could sweet talk anyone ( except her mummy ) in giving her what she wants... ( now it's candies since her moma forbid her... wonder what's she gonna tempt the guys into getting her next time... :) )

Been visited by my lil cousin SCyi over the weekends... somehow having visitors stay over seemed to brighten up my house. ( i can't explain my delight in space and visitors at the same time )...neighter can i describe the freshness i feel. Most of the time it's just the 4 of us we see...sigh* I love to listen to others share their life... somehow i dream that my home would be a place where ppl would feel welcome & comfortable... n missionaries or my kids friends can just bunk in anytime... but reality is such that i've been heavily tax living a urban lifestyle...deprived of soulful erm delicacies ?

Not departing from the flow of the prev line... i stole some time for myself last Saturday.
Got a license to skip my ko-k class... i figure out that the Sat b4 CNY would be jam.. and since i was still coughing that week ( residues of flu ) - be a good excuse ? well, the doc gave me MC upon request... hihihi
well, rest and serenity is good for the soul anyways...
" what good doth it profit a man to gain the whole world yet forfeit his soul ? or What can a man give in exchange for his soul?" -Mark 8 :36-37

1 February

i purposed to end my assignment on 1st. should have end it then...
i'm presenting a piece on EU-ACP tmr... didn't have good experience being upfront. I pray this will be good -that is hopefully most of my classmates have left home.

but... hehe...
holiday marh...

celebrated one of my friend's b'day... it's pretty amazing that so many others turned out ! well, almost everyone i texted !!! even the visitors...
this entire semester feels so festivy... i hardly felt like i'm in uni.

i brought a cute lil toy doggy as an ancient belated b'day gift for a friend...
but look at it - i can feel it's doopy eyes staring at me... feels so nice running my hands on it's brown patchy furr, and it smell so good too... !! awww....

should i give away or keep it ? give it? keep it?

oh bother... next time if i purchase anything cute n irresistable - ask the shop to wrap it up !
Am i like having my 2nd childhood now ? i've this urge to start collecting soft toys again...
what with sesame street, winnie the pooh n wonder boys ( i wish they sell old movies here )

each day

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
~Lina Sandell, Swedish*


this week... diarrhea, flu...assignments...
each day passed by tasteless
been flushing my days off too huh...
not as determined as i used to be...

but i will relive again!
each new day presents a new chapter, a new hope... the anticipation of what lies ahead.
Lord, help me life each moment fruitfully
knowing within that my lot and portion is secure in you ( ps 16:5 )


*http://www.backtothebible.org/lifeissues/faith/a_quiet_heart.htm