Tuesday, April 26, 2005

stranger in the land...


have u ever ride towards the western horizon
on a high bridge far above the roof tops
where the sun's retreating behind the clouds?

u press yr pedal to chase after the sun
yet the eastern shadow's catching up on you...
and you step deeper hoping your surroundings would just fade off?

The once familiar pine trees that trailed your paths
who waved to greet u as you drove home
were all uprooted in replaced of progression...

Or have u entered the same building
seeing the same faces, the similiar handshakes
yet you recognize them not except the fading smiles...( like a trail of white foam left by the passing ship)

Have you woke up one day
to find ( the countenance of ) the person whom u've walked and talked with
clouded with questions and many unknowns

has he become a stranger at the bedside...
or am i just a stanger in the house? a stranger in the land?
running and gasping after hope... to find myself whirled by winds of doubt...?


was listening to Ravel's piano concerto in G, 2nd mov on e way home... well, just felt like penning these words down...

Friday, April 22, 2005

Vocabulary


Amazing : One who has been thru' many heart-aching and mind bogging experiences, yet still remain child-like in faith... " i trusted God and he delivered me. period"

Grace : As undeserving as "what is a place like me doing in a girl like this?" ( Nat's favorite quote. keke ) U can neither explain for nor against it...

Love is... "( choosing to) Switching off my favourite football match while my spouse is talking to me" ~Gary Chapman.* ( how noble! I hardly lift my eyes off the computer screen while mom's talking to me... "uh hur... hurm... hmm...mmmm..." )

fear : False Evidence Appearing Real

Faith : Perpetual unbelief kept quiet, like the snake beneath Michael's foot. ~Browning**



* Author of the 5 love langguages...
** duno who's that. But quoted by Martin Lloyd-Jones in Spiritual Depression.

Monday, April 18, 2005

aging

aging ( with a small 'a')

sigh*... can't escape that right ? ( i can see a few folds under my eyebrows liao... sobs...)
guess by the time we all reach a quarter of our lifespan, there would be a fair portion of sweet or bitter memories, hopes and despairs accumulated... " Life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get" ~Forrest Gump.

where i am now... i feel like i'm sitting in a nest of familarity. Sheltered. Not knowing where to spread my wings. It would be a pity that just a few ounce into life, one has already been wrapped up with life's preplexity... allowing early failures and dissapointments to form a crust around ones' hearts.

I remembered a series in The Wonder Years, where Kevin Arnold narrated about his family... Well, with everyone else seemingly moving to their own path. Big bro ( a little dump dump ) with his gf which was difficult to fit in the family ( she's portrayed as a chubby girl who enjoyed eating chips and sitting in front of the t.v. ), sister's who's about to leave home to further her studies ( she took a subject on sexual politics ) Dad - middle-age, cranky and blaming others about his unfulfilled potentials.

Well, things started to get a little messy when the Arnolds were in dad's high school summer reunion...( bro got dumped by his gf, little Arnnie exposed his father's fault right in front of his high school mates )

Towards the last night while the Arnolds sat as a family at the camp fire, Kevin concluded that" ...i guess we need to forgive ourselves for growing up"

Growing up is not easy... with so much burdens at such a young age, we need to unload them in exchange of His mercy and grace to help us start afresh.

to add fr the ending song played when sis's being sent away to college...
"may God's mercy be upon you...
may you never grow old...

may you grow up in righteousness and truth..."
( not too clear about the exact lyrics, but ya, don't grow old and cranky, like " nah,been there, done that" )

Well, remember Martin Luther's " i have a dream", Edison's light bulb, Elisabeth Elliot's Agape love for the Waodoni at Ecuador that killed her husband, Jesus on His journey to Damascus... ( ppl who believed and kept faith - the "patience" of the saints )

My prayer for the quarter lifers, ( n myself la )
" May u...Endure all things, believe all things, hope all things, bear up under all things, not losing heart nor courage, for Love never fails" ~ I Cor 13 : 7,8 ( adapted fr Kenneth S. Wuest “ the new testament, An Expanded Translation )

to the faint hearted,
" It's not when we would have all we ask for, but when all we ask for we have them not, and only then, that we can truly experience him as our Source. ( El-Shaddai ). When the sea is moonless that the Lord has become my Light." ~ adapted fr Elisabeth Elliot's "Keep a Quiet Heart-Moonless Trust".


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

two sides of a coin

haven't blogged for a month or so... kinda feel drained after work n all i care is to jump straight to bed.

Today, as i was strolling around my office ( happened to be running a time base experiment, and there's free slots in between towards the evening) i found an aquarium in one of the unused office. It's got couple of quiant tropical fishes which i've not seen before. One has white spots on it's pale orangy surface, the opposite pair has orange spots on it's white body...a calico sucker fish which was happily sucking the algae fr a pebble. It froze when i accidently shook the table while stealing a closer look at it. Hiding behind the air bubbles were 2 small lil black fish, with a dash of red paint at its fore fins. I can imagine if they flap their fins, it would looked as if they're clapping their "hands".

Observing them made me missed my own guppies outside the house. Haven't been cleaning their terracota 'house' or watch them swing their flambouyant tails... only have time to throw breakfast down and rush to work... really miss waking up to consult the weather forecast station ( my feelings ) whether today's a good day to go class or back to the covers....

Working life- leaves me with just the rubbles left... i wonder whether it's worth spending away my youth this way...
p.s-"but ur working 10-4.30 onlee!! " ya, but these few days i spent about 8-9 hrs in lab coz of the long experiments i'm running...so i'm allowed to complain a teeny bit.

but here's the catch ( the two sides of a coin ) : i realize life's starting to get shorter relatively, so i am seizing the moments doing the things that are important ( i finished 1 1/2 books within 2 weeks of work, ran all the errands on my lists n still made time for ppl ! "clap, clap":) )
As compared to when i have ample of time to spare ( say the entire holidays ) - i found myself gasping towards the last chapter, not knowing where the space between flew off...

i duno how to conclude fr here...*yawns* tend to get crappier as the night draws nearer...
i still need more time to sleep ( more! ), practice my piano, talk to God...

p.s- today i stole 1 hr of sleep in the conference/newspaper room @ work...felt bit drowsy... think i'm getting sick ( again )! probably not enough rest over the weekends... See, i need more sleep !