a bud!

woo hoo!
i, biscuit of Granny Grumps TM completed 10km without stopping !!! i've made a new personal record ! ( i rolled all the way, nopes, didn't crumple off )
*pat pat pat*

So what's the cause for celebration?
Well, this new record blotch a new chapter in my life... There's this "doom & gloom" ambience that cloud over me after i reached 2 decades...and just when i thought yesterday's achievements were the only crowns for today's pride ( like i used to be able to play the piano for hours, i used to be able to read a dozen of books in one month, i used to...etc )... and suddenly this surprise totally defile my expectation of 'self' and 'life' like a new bud popping fr an old hollow branch. in fact my last record was 3km short of this...

that just proves that there's more in us, or even life than we allow "it" to be... and i shouldn't go around setting limitations to what i or others can accomplish...

Eugene Peterson in "Run with the Horses" said that as a child, we grew up dreaming to become superheroes of the day, but when we're grown ups, we feed on the adventures of our heros and choosing a mundane life to become ours.

"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?" -Jer 12:5

"Jesus did not die on the cross so that u can have a miserable life" - JM

A hope so sure

" there's more in you than you believe" ~KCheng.

I have no idea what got into me to sign up for the SJ 10km run together with some of my high school friends. I've only a week left to train... surprisingly my legs could carry me far more than i expected! though i still have YET to cover all that distance. Still, i'm glad i spurred myself to complete what i set !

i find running therapeutic in some ways ( though bro thinks that's a crazy thot)... sort of gets me shut off fr the voices around me ( esp after i've drained off every ounce of fuel) ...or to feel the freedom of a roaming mare... keke

Here's a song that revisited me while i was in stm, Seremban.

There is a hope so sure
a promise so secure
the mystery of God
at last made known
treasures so vast appear
all wisdom, knowledge here
it's christ in us
the hope of glory

*And the life that i now live
no longer is my own
Jesus lives in me
the hope of glory
and each day i live
no longer is my own
Jesus lives in me
the hope of glory

there is a life so true
a life of love so pure
for all our sin
a perfect sacrifice
and when that life was nailed
on cruel cross impaled
our sinful flesh
with him was crucified

there is a life so strong
that a whole world of wrong
and all the powers of hell
could not defeat
for Jesus rose again
and if we died with him
with him we'll rise
to share his endless life.
~ graham kendrick

...all else left is tears of hope? sometimes i wix i could just explain why i did some things, or just untie myself away fr my past, my fears...but i know not how... yea i'm glad for finding assurance in Him...to know that his ressurection brings forth seeds of hope.

swat/

another head-smacking event again...
i "forgot" to register for my industrial training course during the holidays. Ended up having to pay a $300 fine. My only consolation is that i'm allowed to appeal for lower rate...

i think i shall publish a book title 'unforgetable events' of biscuit when i'm old to cover up all the loses from my state of oblivion. (This time the clerk at my dean's office did not find my account amusing though. :) )


responsibilities...

two statements by A&T have triggered me to view 'responsibility' in a different angle :
first :
" you might complain about an acquaintance whose malicious gossiping or arguing has become a bother, forgetting that by putting up with such behavior in the past you have been at least partially responsible."*

When we're called to be spicy and shiny (Mat 5: 13), it means being responsible over the position or community where we're placed to polish it up when it's dull, illuminate when it's dark...so that our class, workplace or even community would smell distinctly when our presence ( individual or collective, as a church ) is around. Maybe righteous/justice is upholded b'coz we put a stand ? or more abundant joy as a result of our service to others ?

Sad part is, most of the time we take the position of victims being 'choked' by circumstances or people. " too much work(church-work sumore)", "my classmates too boring"... every excuse not to take up responsibility to shine. (as guilty as biscuit)

Jer 29 :4-7 encourages us to embrace life and seek peace& properity in where we're rooted. i shall use this verses as my banner when my new semester starts.**

second :
"It's important to make sure that your language reflects the fact that you're resonsible for your feelings. Instead of saying, "you're making me angry," say "i'm getting angry"... ppl don't make us like/dislike them, and believing that they do denies the responsibility that each of us has for our own emotions. (use the) "I" langguage which offers a responsible way to express your own feelings"***

okay, how about "I" need to be more alert about's happening in campus. "I" feel angry at the huge fine. ra ra...


*pg118
**George N. Capaque, speaker for one of the morning bible exposition in earc.
***pg 154

uncork?

*poof*...

been a while hur...?
am so glad i finally compiled my work report,which also marks the beginning of my holidays !
Am checking out the newspapers bout what's happening in town... am thinking of getting on the lrt and do some exploring or go visit a play/concert... deleted off my previous entry coz it sounded as if life's owing me life.

Maybe i haven't had a break for myself yet since last semester till now?
so, learning how to unbore myself? wonder how it be when i start work... well, pity those working folks out there ! =p


Am currently reading a book about communication* :
Found a term called " self-fulfilling prophecy". I phrase it as how we determined the outcome by what we believe/expect. Like, if we expect others/certain gps of ppl to reject us, we tend to reject them first to avoid getting hurt ( like b4?). So given an event, we act out our believe by staying aloof/be skeptical while a curious passerby tap into our world, telling ourselves "nah, he's just being friendly by obligation", "he's jst interested to know me b'coz i..."
Or i can recall some ppl who make themselves appear so complicated...and complain that ppl don't understand them or so they thot ppl wouldn't understand em'? ( ophs, sounds like me )
So it goes round like a cycle :
ppl dun understand me --> not make a point to be understood --> others dun understand --> not make a point to be understood...
ppl will reject me --> reject others --> ppl reject me --> reject others ....
[ there are also positive ones, like : ppl are nice --> be friendly --> ppl are nice ( reciprocate one's friendliness) --> be friendly...
n of course there are exceptions as well la! ( like failing a paper even though we expect to pass) ]

Adler& Town(A&T) stated that we form our self image by what we're being communicated while young. But as we grow older, our self concept resist changes. A term called "cognitive conservatism"...also, we have a tendency to look out for others to affirm our 'self' rather than being concerned with learning the "truth".

Explanations?
Starting as a baby, we've no idea of perceiving who we are except by what we receive ( verbally or non ). Like, if our parents love us and attend to our needs --> we perceived that we're loved, we're worthy, and the world(beyond the baby us) is to be trusted. But if our parents neglect us or mistreat us--> "i'm not worthy, the world is not to be trusted"
Well, besides our parents, there's significant others n reference gps ( peers, media, bible) which we mould ourselves with with along the way...
"self" affirming - A&T quoted that studies reveal both college students and married couples with high self-esteem seek out partners who view them favourably, whereas those with negative self-esteem are more inclined to interact with ppl who view them unfavourably.**
Kinda like saying " i'll never get that sort of girl(guy)"... thus he(she) limits his search to what he set...

Some other "self-fullfilling prophecies" ....?!
"men cannot be trusted" ?
"women are hard to please" ?
If those thots are not dealt with, they will come back to hunt u hur? or perhaps far beyond those thots stem some bitter roots?****


Well, there's always hope if ppl are willing to change... That's when faith comes in handy too- when we allow the word of God to tell us who we are or shape our outcome*** ( n stop listening to ourselves for a change)


*"Looking Out Looking In" ~Adler B.A., Towne N.
**"Truth Aches: Ppl Who View Themselves Poorly May Seek the "Truth" and Find Despair" Science News ( Aug 15, 1992) ~ Bower B.
***Hebrews 11.
**** learn more about bitter fruits expectations <-- bitter roots in Elijah house.