world of impressionist

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Water Lilies (1914-17) ______Red Boats, Argenteuil (1875)

A friend brought me a set of Monet's in calender on my b'day. 5 yrs ago...

The impressionist so received their signature style from a critic who taunted Monet's "Impression: Sunrise" that wallpapers looked more finished than this piece and called the entire french painters display as the exhibition of the impressionists.

I love the impressionist. there's something about their art that's subtly evocative and formlessly beautiful. it's not about the cathedral they paint, but the dusky grotesque mist, it's not about the pagodas they're composing, but lights shimmering through the pagodas roof, and sounds of gongs ringing thru'...

Am currently listening to Ravel's Ma mere l'Oyre (Mother Goose), the orchestral version. It was originally a set of piano duet written for two children. I am particularly intrigued by "Little Ugly Girl, Empress of the Pagodas"- love the chinese temple ambience with some cute melody lines ringing thru'. "The Fairy Garden" is enchanting yet inviting.

Well, entering the impressionist world helps me to get away from myself (and others ;p) for a while...meanwhile, am anticipating spanish music at the end of the week... my last ticket for my own concert spree

thanksgiving

Well,

Flying to KB laters. My flight has been delayed. Amidst my anxiety and worries (like two ol' couples that's always accompanying me), God's GRACE shone brighter..

I was worried about transportation and logistic in Kelantan. (this time i dont' feel as brave as i was in penang. The thought of waiting for ghost buses freaked me). The hostel manager which i arranged to stay in haven't replied me, what more on Saturday - hello, who's working? (their Sat is our Sun). But last min (as usual, my fault) my mom called uncle S (our church's tour agent)for SOS - he arranged for a house, transport and a family (his relatives) for me.

yay !!

Am also thankful for the Yong sisters for taking me under their care in Ipoh. I sampled some of the best food there-hakka mee, fried noodles, bean sprouts... Anyways, i went there to watch a speech therapist at work. I am so touched by EN's dedication and passion for the children under her care... think i was more 'woa-ed' by her than imagining myself in her shoe.

Next...

the feelings of incompetency is overwhelming me again. i duno why. i don't feel this way as a student. one short mistake (or due to miscommunication) sends me nuts. i feel that i'm constantly 'short of...'

Maybe

I need to put God's goodness as the foundation which I stand. Perhaps I have relied too much on own my own effort. Perhaps I need to adjust to the non-textbook environment and realize that life is beyond the grasp of my palms. It follows no words.

There is no king saved by the multitude of a host,
a mighty man is not delivered by much strength.
A horse is a vain thing for safety,
neither shall he deliver any by his great strength.
Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear him,
upon them that hope in his mercy;
to deliver their soul from death,
and to keep them alive in famine.
Our soul waiteth for the LORD:
he is our help and our shield.

psalms 33 : 16-20

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Here's a psalm written by a nation surrounded by 2 great forces. Their identity they derived from being God's children.

lil things

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Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,

Were every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade,

To write the love of God above,

Would drain the ocean dry.

Nor could the scroll contain the whole,

Though stretched from sky to sky.

The Love of God, written by Frederick Lehman. This stanza was taken from a poem scribbled on the wall of a Jewish patient commited to mental asylum.* it's amazing how God's love reaches the most imaginable and unloved.

Twice I sang this song during prayer meeting in my office. I was captured by the beautiful lyrics used to describe God's love. And i wonder...

How we love God...doing the typical churchy stuffs - church on sunday, daily devotion and leaving some bits for ministry. Such lines describing God's charity goes beyond our will or mind. u can't just pen it by choice. it has to flow out of the heart... a heart soaked with a deep flavor of god's goodness...

And i asked how can i experience such love? I know that He loves me, but the concerns of life choke my heart from hearing...

then i remembered the sunflowers i drew... layers upon layers of marigold yellows cupped by layers by layers of grass green calyx, and i thought, "there's alot of fine attention just to create it?" and my heart spoke, "God is into the details of my life ain't it?" every day and every strand of my hair has been counted by his love...

and i slept embracing that love. Like how a kid would hug his new precious toy-car in bed, not letting it go, consumed by thoughts of how he'll like to play with his toy tmr... a new found excitement...

my maker is concern about the lil things of me...

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*to be exact, he re-painted this poem from a centuries old Jewish poem called "Hadamut," written in 1096 by Rabbi Mayer, son of a cantor in the city of Worms, Germany. click