hello december !

she looks at the mirror

and it says 'go back and do your assignment'

sighs


.......................X

[picture of a girl at mirror with her tongue sticking out => "bleh"]


hello december !
somehow i kept reminiscencing on the people i miss... christmas is a time to remember? :) meanwhile my very good friend s'na's back & e'za going to have the best christmas gift ever. a christmas child !!

Oh, I Want To Know You More!

Surfed across the cadet sisters. Their singing send tears to my heart... I imagined Mary singing this while she poured the alabaster jar at her true Love's feet. There's so much beauty in simply wanting to know him more.

Just the time I feel that I've been caught in the mire of self.
Just the time I feel my mind's been bought by worldly wealth.
That's when the breeze begins to blow I know, the Spirit's Call.
And all my worldly wanderings just melt into His Love.

Oh, I want to know You more!
Deep within my soul I want to know You,
Oh, I want to know You.
To feel Your Heart and know Your Mind,
looking in Your eyes stirs up within me,
cries that says I want to know You
Oh, I want to know You more.
Oh, I want to know You more.

When my daily deeds ordinarily lose life and song,
my heart begins to bleed, sensitivity to Him is gone.
I've run the race, but set my own pace and face a shattered soul,
But the Gentle Arms of Jesus warm my hungering to be whole.

Oh, I want to know You more!
Deep within my soul I want to know You,
Oh, I want to know You.
And I would give my final breathe
to know You in Your Death and Ressurrection,
Oh, I want to know You more.
Oh, I want to know You more.
Oh, I want to know You more...

by steve green.

trick or treats?

Happy halloween day !!

El'z throws this pumpkin to you ! (picked that line up fr facebook). I drew this some months back. Somehow halloween reminded me of pumpkins, children, sweets and most of all, family & fun... (no we dont' celebrate it here. so i only know halloween thru' the tvs.). I posted a bigger pumpkin picture here.

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p.s- oh no, i am supposed to study.

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p.p.s - i got the best halloween gift ever !!! rashes crawling all over me ! hideous red pimple-like spots. imagine going trick or treats with this... 'woa, that's a great mask ur wearing' ;p

the last thread

finally i got a break ! October was pouring heavily on me. work & studies.

bees are busy

and so was it like in the office before the dinner

Today seemed like a day of reminiscene...

I went to mom's school to print some stuffs. It was like a walk to remember. The canteen chair I used to hang out with my girl friends every recess time was still strong in dark blue. As I walked through the corridors, I recalled lining up to class...(or never really lining up)... the garden - reminded me of where an injured owl was found. A long lost friend took it home....his mom said he'll call home each day to ask about his owl. not her. (using coins. we weren't blessed with hp at that age). but it died of internal bleeding. :(

Had lunch in a coffee shop which flavors permeated me back to my younger days in Penang. A hawker was conversing in hokkien with a customer... Penang = hokkien. and i ate a hot bowl of claypot noodle. Dad used to asked for an extra empty bowl, so that he could 'air' the hot noodles in the plate for me...

I'm starting to miss him now. His being away somehow brought us closer though. Ytdy, mom, dad and bro did a group msn talked. Mom narrated to me. She was happy. msn and emails are not her thing thgh. now it's. :P

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I thought of my longings while sipping on my sizzling yee mee...

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* I wish I can pick up some vietnamese or Burmese so that I can communicate to the foreign workers that does a pit stop at our church. There's a pool of them just waiting to be harvested. They're working & living behind our backdoors and we're not tapping into it. Meanwhile P'kash flew back to India to look for a wife. (prays he finds a good one). I was glad we made him our friend. I've always have a thing for east asia. If I've reached my expiry date for... u know what la, i think i might like to live and work around east asia. (not as missionary thgh)

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* I wish to have more time to draw. I am thinking of my 'creation piece' which i haven't put colors on it; and a wind-up toy. I am also dreaming of traditional toys...made of wood & cotton... you can touch it, feel it...

resisting the wind

Resting. droopy.

I feel like the dragonfly in the pic. Btw, I still got alot of practice to go when it comes to dof.

I won't be blogging much in Nov. (I hope). Would like to spend some time to recollect myself for a while...Plz remind me, if i fail to not listen to myself. :)

I need to stop typing as well. I mite be suffering from rheumatism or is it arthritis. my 10 fingers' joints have been aching since 2 days ago. when i drive or not flapping it.

grace upon grace

i'm sitting in front of the screen right now. With a glass of fruit juice and my office attire. (stinking a bit). Trying to unwind before bed.

These few weeks have been wild. Like murphy's law. Anything that could go wrong, went wrong. My sos prayers seems as if i'm dialing the wrong number.... but as i reflect upon the good things that i can count on, grace seems to carry me, layers upon layers, like my society's dinner anniversary theme "Grace upon Grace".

Last Saturday I went to Bangsar. twice. (don't ask me how I ended up returning there twice. i'm not a patron there thgh). I'd free drink in Starbucks and a nice chat with my kor kor. I was ranting away about how i feel about not being weighted proportionally. He said i'm much bigger than that. I guess he's right. It's aways good to give without counting.

Later i'd dinner with my good friend S'na. S'nas liken my big sister. One of the rare feel whose advice i just absorb like a sponge. We chat. And I called it a happy day.

happy to have free treats. Duno why i'm so happy with free treats. think it makes me feel special :P
happy that i brought 3 items below fifty. (happy in shopping = getting the things u want below your targeted price)*
happy to spend a weekend with people i love
happy to know that i'm free to give freely
happy to realize i've been blessed with great friends in life.
Happy for grace shown

Grace. I remember calling for help to heavens once. my 2nd year exam period and a last minute assignment deadline. S'na offered to help me with my assignment. i didn't ask her :)
At work this week, LM and WL ask me share my load. I didn't ask them either :) they're such great relieve to me ! thanks :)
Some friends volunteered to come in office to help. I duno why so much help is pouring in without me asking. Heavens has blessed me with many hands.

I'm glad. Now i'm licking some ice-cream. I will sleep and hope the morrow brings a shower. Rain to wash all the muds and ugly bits away.

I'm gonna take a shower. Goodnight.

* i can't believe myself. But I'd fallen in love with a deep purple top. they ran out of stock. i took white instead. And I got a chilli red shirt. this is so not me.

** the author removed the previous posts for security & privacy purposes.

what i saw

Went to Camerons over the raya weekends for ibridge camp. Here's what I captured :

orange petals

a pink rose

more roses

a weed

red impatiens

a friendly cat
another of her cat friend invited herself on my lap without asking

Strawberries

me & some friends sneaked out for breakfast at my friend's shop. her parents made great pancakes. we were treated with free strawberries

Some thoughts for the camp :

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regrets :
- my people shots were horrible though. Most of my indoor pics turned out dark or blur. think my flash and camera aren't communicating too well. That's coz the master didn't read the flash manual.

- not seizing all the lovely flowers that popped out my way into my cam. it was raining quite a bit and i was hoping for morning sun.
- din have much time to make strangers -> friends

- not leaving my worries of tmr behind. today find me fine tuning my psd pics before sending it to printers & a paper to study for.

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some smiles :

- catching up with ol' friends.

- lovely weather and people

- strolling around the town. wish i had ventured more. blame the rain.

- i got some faith and idea boost jst listening to our speaker's testimony. (his conversation stories burst out like a leaking pipe)
- I brought roses at rm 10 for 3 bouquets. happy :)

the last brick

the most precious building material that David left Solomon was a brick of advice


"...My Son, I charge you to acknowledge your father's God and to serve Him with an undivided heart and a willing mind. He knows all our thoughts and desires. If you go to Him, He will accept you; but if you turn away from Him, He will abandon you for ever. You must realize that the Lord has chosen you to build his Holy Temple. Now do it - and do it with determination.

...be confident and determined. Start the work and don't let anything stop you. The Lord God, whom I serve, will be with you. He will not abandon you, but He will stay with you until you finish the work to be done on his Temple." (1 Chronicles 28: 9-10, 20, Good News Bible)


- Bible Teaching for Kids 1st and 2nd Graders Learner Guide. 2007 Lifeway Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention. p64

good gases

i've found some use for our natural gas...

1# I was squashed in the ktm once. Cramped by strange men and a fearful heart. So I thought what better ways to create more space for myself.

*fart*

When it comes to safety, anything goes. it's just too bad we can't release it by volition..


2# I've always wondered on when did our parents started getting comfortable with each other's fart. Like before marriage. Someone has to break the silence first right? But i guess gasses can be a good indicator of impartial acceptance.


I can imagine some disgusting stares and snorts hurling at me after this. :p Oh Well...

my philosophy for now...

i feel like life is so random... and sometimes there's just no answers (no one particular).

You can just paint up anything for the situation you are going though.

You can be the man with one talent -a starfruit seed (analogy).
plant it in infertile grounds, use special fertilisers and have your starfruits blooming. Then make everybody like starfruits so they'll buy it from you and you make a good living out of it.

You can be the man with ten talents.
hide them, bury them and they stay nowhere above the ground.

Life is an adventure (or so i should learn to see my life as). Try it out, u'll never know. failings are just part of the experience. :)

am feeling rather sucky now though... trying to retell my story to keep me going.

So what am i going to do next? do something to my hair... (surprise)

blue banded bee

this blue bee visited my garden some days ago...

It's quite tiny, you can easily dismiss it as a fly. I took a second look after its loud buzzling and hovering. It seemed to be attracted to white flowers and traveled at a fixed poligonal route over and over again; hence allowing me time to grab my camera. I can't crop the pix too much or else i might loose the resolution.

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Find out more about the blue gem here*, and what's going on in my mind here. Ok, maybe this one's a little more within reach.

b

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*i owe it to a friend who confirmed the bee as a bee to me

two people

2 interesting people I met today who made their entry here...

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A Lun Bawang girl. Ms W whose name led me to imagine her as a punjabi guy. We were corresponding through the mail and one day we decided to meet up. Erm, for work purposes :p I had no hint about her gender and was surprised when a girl with his number called. I thought maybe he has high pitch voice. Anyways, Ms W works with UNHCR, dealing with refugees in M'sia. Few things I found about her organization :

...is not recognised in M'sia because we did not sign the partnership with them
...refugees and immigrants are different...her org is working hard to convince our authorities so
...Myanmar people flee their country due to petty reasons which my friend can't believe it actually can exist:
1. a minority tribe born in a obscure village who were not issued IDs. So Ko went to the city to get an ID card. Met a road block. Soldiers checked for ID. Don't have. Sent to jail.
2. Being a preaching Christian. Why? suspected for spreading propaganda. Jail

Btw, in Myanmar you need $ to bribe yourself out of prison. You need $ to get an ID. Isit anyhow better for them here?

...police raid them. Sometime the parents are seperated from their children. Kids were left as orphans while their parents go to jail.
... there's no point sending clothes to them while they're in prison. the blue uniform people will just confiscate them away (some places).

Ms W's spoke english excellently. I was amazed (ok, my prejudice). But I guess coz her parents were degree holders who built their homes here upon graduation. Her background's worth noting :

...Drunk before Dawn, a musical play was dedicated to her tribe.
...they were hopeless drunkards. Even raja Brooke gave up on them
...until some Australian Missionaries came and brought them the gospel
...now they're saved and happy

I was taking a walk at 8pm at the park. An old man in pajamas approached me, " It's so dark now and you're walking alone?" (loudly in cantonese) "yea, some hobby I have uncle." (No I didn't say that). Ah gong's concerned for the community dumbfolded me. While most grandpas would be watching t.v or grandchildren at home, this man has spoken to our residence representative.

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He shared some suggestions to me on how to increase the safety of our neighbourhood. "they should chop off half the height of the tree and put more fire to light up the streets". He knew how many guards we employed by day and night. He got the latest broke-in news and even interrogated the guards about the incident. Gong gong who comes from Klang and is here just for family visitation even recommended that we bekerjasama to request for more street lights. "election coming, sure they give one." He even tipped me about seizing this saturday's state assembly man visit (family day) to voice out our wants. "unfortunately I can't make it due to urgent matters, or else i would have spoken to him..."

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Meanwhile i brought a 2nd hand watercolor guide in Pay Less Books which is > expensive than a brand new in Amazon. They should change their name to Pay More Books.

helpless

well, been thru lots of ups and downs lately regarding my graduate studies.

First i got the courses.
But no money
Then there was the scholarship
next the dean wants me to change course
laters the funding from kementerian (KPT) for my host campus has reached its quota this year
Coz my host campus award more places than the budget allocated
afterwards i heard that kementerian would preferably award PhD candidates
but my dean asked me to apply for masters
suddenly the dean got transfer (hence he can't fight for my case)
then i got an offer from a uni in Oz
we thought perhaps it's cheaper
it cost AUD 13+ k per sem for tuition fees alone
unexpectedly my dad just got news that he was accepted to china to study for a year or two
so the burden is on mom now (not sure if i like seeing her suffer)
hence i am Stuck here. sob sobs.

Worst thing is I am also quite lost about what I really want for my career. "Life is difficult" anounced by Scott Peck in the first line and first chapter of the Road less Traveled. His solution was for us to accept this truth. Because once we agree with it we will moan less about our problems as if life ought to be easy.

come play with fire

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Happy Merdeka Malaysia !

are we truly liberated ?

s

hs

pics taken from malaysia international fireworks competition, 30th of Aug. First time using bulb (i didn't even know where that function lied. was a friend that discover it). Shots were mostly exposed about 1.2 - 5 secs.

august in pockets

kid : teacher, just now I saw that boy with green tennis ball tag going there ? (to rephrase : why he can go, why i cannot?)

As a helper (half day) at my fren's VBS last weekend, I was in charge of the pre-schoolers (hence kindies = green tennis ball group). A little boy was envious of the commotion going on at the hall (where the big kids are) while his group was placed in the pantry. A few might have crawled their way there, but he got unlucky. I stopped him.

His question is the echo of my life now. sadly.

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Meanwhile, I hope the kids won't recite my name to their parents. One boy dipped his nose on the ice-cream. Another asked for a tatoo (inky-stamps) on his butt. I might have a part. ;p

Taiping is painted wit beauty. See nature and history composed in a single frame, sense the languorness of the townfolks and carefree showers. (it rain so much, people bet on the time the rain arrives, so said MD).

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Unfortunately, i hardly have time to experience taiping. Was stucked in a hotel for a nationality course. (will write more on this laters). My kind friend EN smuggled some clothes (i only found out about dress-codes when I arrived. blame the admin. White and black. covered.) and food for me.

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I almost ended taking a bus in the middle of a estate to hunt for a ghost hotel. thx to the admin again. I am so indebted to EN and Mr Taiping (he's so proud of his hometown) for locating my camp-site.

Road to the lake

In EN's car. Didn't have much time to walk around. She curi her office time for me :P

Taiping War memorial

to the brave soldiers who fought for us during WW2

A bell tower

St Louis church

many victorian style buildings there

for now

Feeling a little stranded...

seeing so much of frailness than strength...

wishing for some sun beams to shine through...

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*sighs*

full of petals

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red

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petals full
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mourning

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pleasant
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Crysanthemums. It's just amazing how it comes with many variants - from dainty daisy-like to pompous pompons. I usually brush them under 'pai ang kong' flowers or as a herb for drink. That is until I received a bouquet from Sunday Skol. After staring long at it, i decided that it's pretty. Here's some taken with my old nikon 5100, compact (with some touch-up in photoshop).

xien xhang jin tian

The beginnings of each day traces its tune from yesterdays shadow. I couldn't smile on Monday. three unhappy events visited me.

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The first visit came in the middle of my sleep. A scream from my tummy. 3 times I bombed the toilet. I was so lethargic the next morning that I went late to work. It didn't help to put a smile on my face when special jungle-iban-style food was served during lunch at office. No, i had porridge. Which I spilled half of it while driving to work btw.

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My 2nd visitor came through a phone call to usm. I called in to check on my scholarship status; the clerk (which I have chased for a few months) gave me another story. I almost cried. Actually i did. A tear or two. But my colleagues aren't around to witness (they were having staff training which contract workers like me don't share the priviledge of attending;p), so i can write whatever i like here.

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Just when I thought the gods had enough of mocking me, another another visitor came in the evening. The atm refused to spit out my money. I keyed in the amount, got the bank slip and card returned but no cash came out. This was at shell in persiaran tujuan. Funny thing was the station attender said banyak-pun ini berlaku. What th?

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But of cause we can let our unhappy visitors punch us into into its mold (which i did. I read 3/4 of my 200 page camera operating manual just to hold my mind) or allow some sunshine to slip through. Some happy things that I can smile at:

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today I vacuumed oasis (youth centre in subang). I feel so proud of myself for doing something uninstructed. (I have to confess that i seldom volunteer for housework though). The funny thing was i accidently sucked a boy's sock inside the vacuum cleaner. The poor owner tried very hard to get it back. In the end he decided to let it rest inside the machine when he saw it buried in dust. It was the joke of the day at oasis! hehe. I even had the cheek to ask why he threw away the other side. (actually, it wasn't an accident. I thought of cleaning his socks that was found lying at the carpet. Didn't know that the vacuum cleaner would eat it up. ophs)

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I got my first dSLR ! that is after 7 hours of camera shopping from pudu plaza to law yat on sat. Well, my colleague helped me decide. Otherwise i would have gone home camera-less and decided-less (as usual). I have started toying with it's 11 AF-points (do we need that many/?), shutter speed and aperture... looking ahead to collect my tamron bag, external flash and a close-up lens (later's a gift. yay!). Macro shots are my favourite... I came across Clive Nichols (renowned garden photographer) on a magazine during lunch just now.

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this purple flower blooms at sunrise and fades in the evening

the title written in chinese pinyin means 'sacrificing today'. It's taken from the lyric of a chinese song. The piece is about dedicating each day for God and crucifying our lifes at the cross with Him. I can't crawl out of bed this morning. But this song shone some eternal perspective on me.

infatuation

the deep dark hours of night...

the moon shines its face on thieves on the garden wall

Tom the squally cat strolls fancifully on your car

Oscar Owl stares into your room and hoot

and mr mole is burrowing under your flower bed..

Strucked by cupid's arrow, my sudden infatuation with childhood stories sent me digging through the book chest to hunt for this book (ecstatic to have find it !!!)... its illustrations and poems so stirred my imaginations and now decades later my memory awakes...

see what creatures are digging below or hiding above (image below). I used to shut my curtains tightly before i sleep in case a tarsier might stare at me;p Strangely, some of the things i dot on as a child which was buried for long began to sprout in recent years:

drawing - fascination with the obscure creatures (usually living above or under ground) - love of cuddly soft-toys - play - cartoons (jojo's circus and strawberry short-cake is so colorful. my eye's so attracted by it la; winne the pooh, rugrats and sesame street has got great character development; won't go for cartoons with one hero or which i can't tell the characters personality apart)...

* image above: bed time story by ladybird; image below: my favorite bedtime stories by optimum books, 1982.

gender equality or inequality?

Do women yap more than men?

We're all familiar with fact that women speak an average of few thousand words a day, while man can survive with just a few hundred morphemes. A new study found both sexes to be not very different after all when it comes to word length.

Using EAR (electronically activated recorder) which samples 30 secs of ambient noise every 12.5 mins on ~400 students, the results on both genders were even on daily averages: women at 16,215 words and men at 15,669.

So there, guys - u can talk one!! hah ! & you can't use your genetic make-over as an excuse for your silence or absence too. nya-har ! However the other myth of women being more 'pak gua' than man still can't be dispelled ;p

*winks*

While Beauty and the Beast is culturally accepted, Witchy and the Hunk might not seem as tempting? Can you even imagine yourself lining up at the cinema for this title? (ya, maybe in horror movies, so suggested a friend). Plus, i realize movies nowadays are shifting from Pierce Brosnan with muscles and charms to average Joe with a hot chick on a mission. (i.e Austin Powers, Transformers). Maybe the producers are making certain sensations more achievable to Joey (whose eyes are heavily glued to the idiot box with a packet of chips)... however, certain expectations on girls are still unchanged.

How unfair hur?

Well, just some quirks for the day la :)

July Blues

the amazing chinese stomach

chinese #1 : Hey look, what's this mysterious thingy? (poke poke)
chinese #2 : bu zhi dao (shakes head)... Let's make soup out of it! maybe it'll cure ah ma fr her illness.

"Villagers in central China dug up a ton of dinasaur bones and boiled them in soup or ground them into powder for traditional medicine, believing they were from flying dragons and had healing powers." (excerpted from today's The Star, w44)

dad told me that our yellow skin friends turned bones inscripted with ancient chinese text (jia gu wen) into medicine as well.

Humored? how about shark fins, porcupine hair, turtle tails? they're just few doors away in our local chinese pharmacies.

July July

July is mad.

* applications and more applications to go.

* one assignment.

* another english proficiency test to sit for. (my toefl expires next month, so gota retake it again. i find the 2 years shelve-span rather amusing. as if my english level's gonna drop after 24 months.)

* decisions, decisions... should i get married or not ? should i secure a place to study locally first (in case the overseas thingy tak jadi) or continue work...(my boss says "just trust God". maybe i tat's all i need. btw, was kiddin' on the first query)

July July

My parents

Meanwhile, pa & ma are getting more concerned over my safety esp whem i'm out at night. I'm not. Coz i hardly read newspapers. but i can't help it if they do & start imagining things...here's em':

* mom called at 10:50pm last sat when i was out to check on me. Last time it was b4 12am. (says she can't sleep if i'm driving alone. well, one of our neighborhood security guard trespassed a maid, so i guess she lost faith in em')

* So dad offered to chauffeur me for night meetings or outings. (oh no... wic filial daughter will ask their retiring parents to ferry them around? i'd rather stay at home)

I'm gonna be like Rapunzel after certain hour. Can only let down my hair to communicate to the rest of the world ;p Or will think of some win-win solution.

July July

Spain & Rome -music

Joseph Colom was flawless with his fingers last sun. I couldn't tell whether he was on the harp or piano. Well, I was hopping for someone younger with more passion on the spanish piece. But Nights in the Gardens of Spain by Falla was scenically beautiful.

* Dorian Wilson's conducting of Respighi & Falla sounds ting-ling-ly enchanting. lots of fairy sparkles.

* btw, I sat on row N (the premium row, smack right in the middle with plenty of leg space) with a student rate. (can still fake thru as a student ;p).

* i just realize while i'm not a fan of romance (you can count the love novels i've read with one hand. they're not mine anyways), i love art & stories that sends you to a far-away land. :)